Growing and trying

Sorry to be away so long. Two weeks ago was the big ramp up to our Common Ground women's retreat. I was on the planning team and gave four talks over the weekend on Journey, Identity, Passion and Purpose. That week involved a lot of writing--much more than normal. The weekend went great. There were about 65-70 amazing women there who worked at connecting to God and to each other. They were gracious with me as a non-professional public speaker and God was gracious to speak through me. I have to admit that I had a blast. It was a dream come true to be able to share the beautiful truths that God's word offers women; find meaning in some of my experiences and see that all intertwine into something that really spoke to many.

I was exhausted when I got home and it took a week of sort of exhaling and wandering around the house doing very little to get back to something like normal.

Saturday was a big day as the scissors came out and I started on the curtains!! I turned on a recording of Ellen DeGeneres while cutting to help me relax, smile and ignore all the voices in my head telling me how I can't cut straight and am not good at figuring this stuff out...
My brave and kind husband took all three kids all morning starting at soccer in the cold and rain. They came home early and I made 4 different versions of hot chocolate for all four of them. Wow. Can you say "high maintenance?" Can you say "love?" Yeah.

So it's looking pretty good. I got lining on sale for 50% off and 6 curtain rods on sale for 40% off. That helps. Everything is cut and ironed and I'm ready to sew the 48 tabs for the backs. On about tab number 30 last night I started getting a little board and found myself wondering if there's any spiritual lesson in this whole adventure. I think we all have something costly and special to us that we're afraid to bring out of hiding and risk trying to make that into something special. A hope, an aspiration or dream that seems to far-fetched or risky or selfish. I know I'm not alone in my fear of failure or loss. It's taken me 5 years to hear that voice saying, "don't be afraid, just try. What do you have to lose?" Really this fabric wasn't doing anyone any good in the closet. Even if I mess up and end up with no curtains, I will have at least tried and gained experience from that rather than hiding from the possibility of difficulty or failure. Isn't that the real point? The finished product is a reminder of the journey, not the singular goal. So I'm trying and going slow and being careful and trusting myself and having fun. I also figure its okay to pray and ask God to help me do a good job making curtains. He gave artisans in the Old Testament skill to create the things he asked them to make, so hopefully he'll give me some grace and skill, too.


I'm realizing that 2 of my goals for the year are 1) to get better at sewing--I'd really love to make my family some clothes (lounge pants and summer dresses, hopefully); and 2) to be more proactive about my part in caring for the environment. (More on that in an other blog entry.) There's a lot more I'd like to do this year, but those are two personal goals I have.


Our garden seeds are starting to sprout. This always brings me great joy and wonder. I'm realizing that, though I'm mediocre at gardening, it is a spiritual practice for me and a great source of joy and anticipation. I ordered a book from the library upon the recommendation of Soulemama, called, Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots: Gardening Together With Children, by Sharon Lovejoy. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow along with the next book our book club is reading.