A time to respond

I don't know about you, but I often feel I can never give back as much as I receive. When I look around at the people who love me, the experiences I've had, the things I have. My heart is full. You may feel the same way.

When I look at the brokenness in the world--poverty and all that flows from it, I also feel like I can never do enough to push back on the tsunami of need.

The answer to both of my problems is the same. Love one person well. Right now. In this moment. That is enough. Those who love me and those whom I will never meet. I can love them both well in this moment. In both cases, responding to their most basic needs with presence and what resources I have does make a difference. I can't fix everything forever but I can do something in this moment. And so can you! Really.

Today, a website is launching. It's called ThereIsEnough.org. It's a giving portal to respond in a meaningful way to the most basic needs in the world. We--you and I--really can make a difference. The resources are there. I just have to open my hands and give what I can today. You can too. It matters. There Is Enough hope, peace, food, water, love.

It's time to respond.

Click here.

Thank you.

Thought for the Day

"...I don't think for a minute that a centered life is the solution to all our problems. Rather it is a way to respond to our problems. We don't withdraw from the world to a center. We respond to the world from our center."

-Sue Monk Kidd, God's Joyful Surprise

I've been struggling a bit lately and often find myself going to Kidd's earlier books like this one and Firstlight for perspective and insight.

So I'm sharing it because I suspect I'm not alone and to let you know that I'm in process. The danger of blogs is that they present a very small and stylized snapshot of my life or the life of someone else. Lest you think I think deep thoughts and am stable and happy all the time, let me be clear. :) I do have an amazing support system all around me and know that these struggles are an opportunity to take a deep look at my life and thinking processes and to move in a healthier direction. Course corrections, would be the best way to sum it up.

So, I'm trying to go back to the center. To look around and see how I'm responding to problems and see what that says about my center now and what needs to change.

Autumn joy

Three autumns. I've actually been taking pictures of the kids in this very spot since my oldest was 18 months old and my second oldest was in a car seat. It takes my breath away how quickly they change and grow. To have a consistent background against which to measure their transformation is priceless. Some things change slowly--houses, trees, neighborhoods. Some things change before our eyes. My babies are growing up. I am, too, I guess.

May every season of our lives hold something worth celebrating. May the seasons bring deeper roots, and greater stability against the inevitable storms. May we be truly present in the moment, the hour, the day. To dance in the rain, splash in the pool, dive into the leaves and romp in the snow is to truly live. Let's live today. Really live.

Give Away!

Last week brought an opportunity to visit an apple orchard in our area. I was almost as excited about photographing the experience as I was to take home tons of apples. My neighbor and her little ones and my mom all joined us and it was wonderful. The weather was crisp, we just missed the crowds and the trees were full of beautiful, charming apples. I wonder if they are more beautiful simply being in their natural environment. I took many pictures, but wanted to share something special with you.


This last image of my daughter holding an apple is one of my favorite. I had it made into note cards and I'd like to give a set of 10 blank cards and envelopes with this picture on it to one of you! Please leave a comment between now and Friday at 8pm. I'll use a random number generator to choose the winner and notify you. Good luck and happy autumn!

Art and Craft

I'm a recovering perfectionist. Most people that know me well are not surprised by this. As a kid I would only do things that I thought I could do well. If I hit a wall, I'd stop. If I didn't know what would happen I wouldn't even try. Sad.

So fast-forward to a much different season in life. This spring I spent a week in (mostly) silence on a personal retreat. During meals at the retreat center recordings were played on various topics related to solitude, silence and meditation. One day the topic turned to craft and art. The post on quilting brought me back to this idea.

The speaker compared a life of "craft" to a life of "art." The basic idea being that our lives can be a replica of someone else's idea of beauty or a risky and original attempt at our own meaningful expression of a life of beauty. It struck me as thought provoking and I've thought about it off and on ever since.

Here's the thing. Almost nothing in life is "either-or." All or nothing. How can we find our voice unless we follow in the footsteps of other artists? An artist begins as a craftsperson. Not to mention that a craftsperson--someone who consistently creates a similar item is needed and valuable, not second-class. We need both to make our world work. We need to be both. Consistent and brave. Modeling the principals and giving space for new forms of expression.

This is essential as a person. I model my life on the women who have come before me, those who live around me. Yet, I need to be my own voice, my own unique contribution to womanhood. As a wife. As a mother. As a person of faith.

It's just easier to be safe. To pick a safe life in a safe neighborhood. To teach our kids to be safe. It's a starting point, but the next lesson is to learn who we really are and to try to become that person. This is scary. To empower my husband, my children, my friends to live their dreams means distance, risk, maybe failure. The stakes are high. It's understandable to be scared.

People who are afraid do so many stupid things. And that's where faith comes in, I think. Faith, for me, is the balance of craft and art. Rules and risk. Clarity and mystery. It's what moves me forward and calms my fear. It's what gives me strength to listen to a friend or send my husband off on a plane to a canyon in the middle of nowhere. It's what compels me to try to live a life of meaning and purpose. It's what's teaching me that it's paradoxically safe to risk.

Quilting--perfection with all the corners matching and the colors coordinating and the stitches even verses an improvised, off-center gathering of fabric layered and bound. They both keep you warm at the end of the day. Both are needed. Both offer lessons in discipline and beauty.

Welcome!

Autumn. It has come. Technically. Isn't it funny how the calendar and the weather don't always pay attention to one another on those particular transition days?

I love this season most of all. It is the arms reaching between a rich, full summer and a dark, quiet winter. It is fullness and savoring the last outdoor days. It is harvest and light. It is surrendering to the chill and sleep of winter's calm. Candlelight and sweaters. Apple crisp and cider. It is a mass of green trees reclaiming their individual voices one vibrantly colored leaf at a time. It is the promise that letting go is not the end, but a way to cultivate a new beginning. Welcome Autumn.

Inspiration

The best part of finishing a creative project for me is the anticipation of starting another one! I finished a big (for me) knitting project. This baby blanket:


I also made a couple of cute swaddling blankets using this as a guide.

Finally, I'm sewing the binding on a wall-hanging quilt to welcome home a very sweet baby boy adopted from the Congo. This one was a long-time coming and, like many projects had it share of grumbling (mostly, "what was I thinking" and "oh no, it's not working!!) and payoffs (as in, "this actually looks like a quilt!"). You know how that goes, right?

My biggest realization from making these last projects is how much I love the soft, reassuring feeling of a hand-made blanket spreading out around me. Or wrapping one around one of my sweet children. This is a heritage passed down from my great-grandmother. As a child, we had almost no "store bought" blankets in our home or on our beds. My great-grandma would hand cut and hand piece quilts all winter long, tie or hand quilt them, and give them to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their beauty was not in their preciseness or perfect color coordination, but in their quirkiness, and their slight imperfections. I loved them more and felt more at home wrapped in their soft honesty.

Making this most recent quilt for a friend revealed my many flaws as a quilt-maker. It's far from square and precise and I thought that was a downfall, but it certainly makes the quilt unique. It is no less filled with love, for sure!

More on this idea soon, but in the mean time, here is a lovely flickr group with quilts in the spirit of a quilt artist named Denyse Schmidt who makes me smile and gives me hope I might be able to create art with fabric and bring a smile to someone else.

Catching up

So much has happened in a month. Good things like birthdays, anniversaries, loosing teeth, riding her bike for the first time without training wheels, first day of school.

I've been living it. Capturing it on my camera. Just hesitating to share it all here. Sometimes it's beyond words and I don't want to add to the clutter in the world.

Both Adam and I have found ourselves tired. We are running hard after big goals and feeling small. Feeling like it's beyond us and we can never quite get it all done. Each day brings some progress and experience tells me it really will all get done. I just don't know exactly how, yet.

I've also bee feeling humbled as a mom. A new school year is bringing new challenges for each child and the answers aren't completely clear. I basically have to cheer them on as they face challenges and give them time to grow into these new expectations without getting overwhelmed. The neighborhood kids in our inner-city neighborhood come over almost every day hungry for snacks and attention. I give them hugs, snacks, band-aids, and, occassionally help with homework. There's so much I can't fix. I do what I can when I can, but it feels small.

I got up early to read and pray the other morning as I found myself reduced to tears several times the day before. Psalm 147:6a "The Lord sustains the humble..." 5 words. I am humbled by my weakness, my humanity, my brokenness, how I don't know what to do or say in so many situations. My kids need more than I can give. Neighborhood kids are dealing with things I can hardly wrap my mind or heart around. I can only watch the struggle and struggle with them. Struggle with hope, anticipation that we all will be sustained. Carried. Lifted. Transformed.

I go to my garden during D's naps for a small escape and to play in the flowers for a few minutes. Several of the plants are going to seed now and I'm collecting the seeds for next year. It's surprisingly easy.

Actually the girls reseeded the purple and pink cosmos in the back yard last year just by playing in them. The flowers returned and bloomed all summer with such ease and grace. I keep taking pictures of them because it's such a simple and profound symbol to me of grace and mercy. My kids were simply playing, being who they are. The beauty that has sprung from that act all these months later has been so refreshing for my soul. I did nothing. Someone else planted. The rains came and the seeds grew into what I needed but could not have asked for or done on my own. That is what makes them so beautiful to me.


I'll finish with some pictures from the last month.

Hello August

Summer is rolling on. August is here. At our house that means birthdays, anniversaries, school shopping, and the state fair. Fun, but busy.

I've also started running. I started in May, actually. I used this plan, recommended by my amazing, running neighbor. She has been a huge inspiration and encouragement to me and I can't recommend this plan highly enough for anyone interested in running or (like me) who's had bad experiences with running in the past. You really can do this. Trust the plan and give yourself permission to go slow and easy. Get good shoes. I didn't until recently and I'm paying for it.

I need moments to focus on the summer beauty. To re-center and to celebrate the beauty of this season. In the closing days days (for us) of summer and the build up of activity and celebration, here are a few calm places in my house/yard. I hope you can find a few quiet places that refresh your mind and soul this week.

Grace and peace.

Summer is

play dates and picnics at the park.

beach towels on the clothes line.

kids in swimsuits still happy to play in the backyard wading pool.

hearing her sing and knowing it's because she's happy.
sweet toes.
sidewalk chalk

skinned knees, kisses and band aids.

talking over the fence with neighbors.

fireflies rising out of the grass as the light fades.

sitting on the porch with him.

dreaming.

Colorado

We're home from 10 days in Colorado. We flew in and out of Denver after driving to Florida. It was best for the sanity of our family! My Aunt and Uncle generously hosted us and we had a lot of fun hanging with with cousins and baby Anne. Matching home made polka dot outfits greeted the kids and we managed a successful photo shoot before our departure:
We met with a fellow adoptive family who's daughter is nearly David's age. David and Raina were in the children's home together and came home within weeks of each other. Animal crackers and ice cream (two universal loves of toddlers) smoothed the path to friendship. Thanks to Tami for making the time and the drive to meet us. It was fun!


Apricots at the Farmer's Market just asked to be tasted and photographed. Mountain sunsets in the wide and colorful Colorado sky took our breath away every single day. It was greener than it has been there for, oh, about 45 years (according to my Grandpa, a Colorado native). This is dangerous for me. My soul is somehow deeply fed by all things green in nature. I grew up in Wyoming and Colorado constantly disappointed by brown summers and brown winters. I longed for magical, romantic, robust seasons. I dearly love the midwest's seasons--fireflies, piles of leaves, giant snowflakes, you get what I'm saying. So an unusually green summer in Colorado made me question my memories a bit and wonder if I should give the western climate another chance.

The mountains were also unusually stunning to my jaded eyes. I had lots of summer camps in the mountains in my teen years. All I remembered was that it was scraggly, cold, and it rained almost every day--usually at the most in-opportune times. The mountains were unfortunately associated with the teen angst that accompanied too many of my summer camp experiences.

It was fresh and new and beautiful, this time. Seeing my kids surrounded by pine trees, swaying grasses and huge boulders was amazing. Humming birds buzzed all around us with their mesmerizing wings and shimmering bodies.





In Boulder, we were hosted by an amazing retired couple who built their home on a wildlife reserve for the purpose of hosting people. There were three huge bedrooms upstairs and a porch with a stunning view of the valley and wildlife. They fed us every morning and the kids loved playing with Lucy, their sweet dog and on the "mountain swing."

All in all, it was a rich and enjoyable time. Lots of great pictures, good memories and important conversations. Thanks to all our friends and family who made time to share a meal with us. Thank you to our host family in Boulder. Strangers who are now friends.

Rest

Adam's on a 6-week sabbatical from his job as a worship and arts pastor. Our church generously gives pastors a break on their 7th year of service. It's been a great time for him to rest and get away. He went to the Abby where I was in April. We've been to Florida. First to the beach.


Then we surprised the kids with Disney World. It was such a gift as parents to be able to take the kids to experience the whole Disney thing. It was overwhelming and hot, but worth it.
We drove home for a little turn around time and then got on a plane to Colorado. We're staying with my aunt and uncle and they have a spectacular view of mountain sunsets.


More to come. I just wanted to let you all know we haven't dropped off the map.

Good Days

Her training wheels are off.
We had a great dinner with family. There was strawberry shortcake and BBQ Chicken sandwiches.
He got up early and made me breakfast--before work at 7am. They made cards and a seed holder tower.


I wore my clothes from India and said a prayer for a mother who is part of our lives, yet someone I've never met.

I hope your weekend was lovely, too.