Fun Project

There are lots of new babies on the way or recently arrived around here. It's fun to celebrate these new lives. I've been wanting to make a special, personal, handmade gift for these little ones. But I'm a painfully slow knitter and I'm still plugging away at the February Lady sweater. And many of these babies are spring or summer babies. Hats or sweaters don't make a lot of sense.

Instead, I made my first felt block toy inspired by The Creative Family. The book was a little thin on directions for the decorations. I tried a sharpie pen and wasn't happy with the results. So I cut out some simple shapes that needed no detail and carefully sewed them on to each block. The trick was sewing them with enough margin to allow for seams on all sides. The second tricky part was sewing the last pieces of the block in the right order and closing the last seam by hand. Practice will make this easier, I think. Still, it was done in a day and I was happy with it. I put a few bells inside so it makes sounds when you shake it.

Here are some pictures in progress and the sweet baby boy.

Adventure

I love the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Have you seen it? It's well written--so many quotes and insights into our humanity and journey. I watched it on my birthday last December and try to watch it every so often to keep the wonder and anticipation fresh in my own journey. Natalie Portman's character, Molly Mahoney, is "stuck" as a person. She knows she has so much potential, she just can't seem to break through some invisible barrier to fully express all that is in her. She moves between calling people to believe in the magic she knows to be true and resigned cynicism--that the magic works for others, but not for her.

Mr. Magorium gives her an odd gift one day--for an adventure. He says, "Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools." Mahoney asks, "Are we going on an adventure?" "My dear," replies Mr. Magorium, "we're already on one."

Yes. We are. Every moment of our lives. We just don't know it sometimes. Other times we see the option to plunge into the unknown and we back away. Back into safety, responsibility, predictability, manageable situations, plenty of margin, no risk. We've been convinced this is better. Better not to ask the risky questions of ourselves, our beliefs or others. What if we don't like the answers? Better not to dream. What if it doesn't come true? Better not to try. What if I fail? Better to believe in myself, not God. What if He doesn't come through? Better not to feel. What if I feel something I don't know how to handle? What if I don't know what to do? Adventure.

It whispers to us in movies and music. In people living lives we admire but could never see ourselves living. It's for them. We're just ordinary. The magic doesn't work for us. Right?

"The choice before us is to journey or to homestead, to live like Abraham the friend of God, or like Robinson Crusoe, the lost soul cobbling together some sort of existence with whatever he can salvage from the wreckage of the world. Crusoe was no pilgrim; he was a survivor, hunkered down for the duration. He lived in a very, very small world where he was the lead character and all else found its focus in him. Of course, to be fair, Crusoe was stranded on an island with little hope of rescue. We have been rescued, but still the choice is ours to stay in our small stories, clutching our household gods and false lovers, or to run in search of life."
-The Sacred Romance, by Curtis and Eldridge

(I highly recommend this book, by the way. The accompanying workbook has been critical to really processing my own struggles and journey. It is well worth the investment to really examine these ideas and your own journey. Take your time and give yourself a tremendous gift.)

I've been on adventures. Lots of them. I always freaked out at some point. Usually more than once. I often felt some serious regret and fear: "Take me back!! I change my mind. I don't really want to do this." We can retreat, but we can never really go back. We can settle, but we'll always be haunted by the whispers of adventure. Even though I always freak out and want to change my mind, I'm always (eventually) the better for the adventures I've had. I have backed out of a few risky opportunities. The good news is that the core challenges will almost always come back again to present themselves. The bad news is that the cost may be extremely high.

We're already on an adventure. Where are you going? Who is with you? What baggage are you carrying? These are the questions I'm asking myself these days. Cue the music and lace up your hiking boots.

I'm ready. I think.

Feelin' it

I've become more intentional lately about making time to be still, listen, write, and read. One of the themes in several of the books I've read or am reading is to let yourself feel. It seems sort of obvious or odd to have to spend time on that topic when it should be one of our most natural behaviors.

Through my kids, I can see the other end of the spectrum. Kids can "see" and feel and feel and function in a completely imaginary world. Their imaginary realities deeply affect their physical reality. We make a seat for the imaginary friend. We hide from the pretend tiger. We dance with the imaginary prince. They slowly move from being surrounded by wonder to becoming deeply aware of the simple physical reality around them. Imagination can fade; emotions tempered to what's real and what's "pretend." Slowly, I find myself not feeling much about my realty and forgetting how to pretend, how to imagine, how to play.

Exercising with a DVD recently, I heard the instructor say, "Feel everything there is to feel with the motion." Feel everything. That's what I try not to do. It would open a can of worms! It would make me too vulnerable, make me even more "high maintenance" that I already am! :)
The hardest thing about feeling, wanting, and dreaming as an adult is the stinging possibility of denial. So we deaden our hearts. Numb ourselves with television, sports, office politics, the weather. Constant droning to silence our hearts. Drown out the voices. We put it off. "One day...maybe when I retire...when the kids are in school...when I have more time."

I'm letting myself feel everything there is to feel. I came close to the emotional cliff and peered over. But I backed away and am on more steady ground. (Long story.) I cry a little more often. I laugh with my kids a lot more often. My house is a little messier. But I know what I want. I know how I feel and what I think. I am letting myself do the things that I've always wanted to try but put off for another day. I feel more myself. More alive. More aware of my limitations and more willing to try and see what happens. I'm less afraid of failure (just a tiny bit less afraid--still more work to do there, I guess). I just don't want to spend my life not living.

I'm in a good place of trying and doing. I just wanted to share that with you. It's been a year since I started this blog. Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I so appreciate your thoughts and comments and support. I'm looking forward to what the road ahead holds for us.

Here are some pictures of my kids--my inspiration and motivation to live well and to live fully present.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

A picture and a poem.

Green

Go.
Go this way.
Grow. Miracle that it is.
Evergreen. Everlasting.
Chemical Reaction
Transaction.
Envy's result.
Eco-sumersault.
Light to dark living, forgiving.
Returning again to awaken
the senses and draw me
out of my winter shell.

List for Today

Pay bills
Purge papers
Taxes-Miss M.
Dust/Vacuum
Clean Bathroom
Sweep/Mop
Check furnace filter
Cook Chicken
Make Chili
Breathe
Listen
See
Feel
Shower
Call dryer repair person
---
I got about half the list done. No shower. No cooked chicken. No bills paid today. I did breathe and feel and try to see and listen.

I got sidetracked as cleaning projects will sometimes do. I cleaned off the top of the refrigerator...which led to organizing the kids' art supplies...which led to sharpening pencils...deep breath.

Our dryer also got repaired today (hurray!!!) I've never been so happy to have piles of soft, warm, clean (non-stiff or scratchy) laundry waiting for me to fold.

Green, 5

This is for a memory quilt to welcome a sweet baby being adopted by our friends. At the baby shower, the participants were invited to use fabric markers on pre-cut squares to draw pictures, write messages, etc. My gift to them is to assemble the quilt as a wall-hanging for his room.

We've had the joy of experiencing international adoption as well as becoming parents biologically. Both are profound and transformational experiences. I couldn't be happier to create this gift for my friends and for their son. Come home soon, little one!

Green Day 4 and a must-see video

Tuesday was winter. Wednesday was spring.
Tuesday was hope deferred. Wednesday was hope whispering.
It's coming...
Tuesday was doing. Wednesday was being.
I can't wait to see what Thursday brings.
So far, Thursday has given this quote:

"Inspiration far more often comes during the work than before it because the largest part of the job of the artists is to listen to the work and to go where it tells him to go." (Madeline L'Engle)

and this happy, inspiring, fun video clip

Here's what I saw yesterday in my green world:

Green, Day 3

I bought this star on impulse years ago. I was drawn to the color. I could never find the right place to display it. It's not flat on the back so it looks awkward on a wall. It languished in my laundry room/storage room/if you don't-know-what-to-do-with-it-shove-it-in-there-room. I recently repainted this hutch and remembered my green star. Yes! It just happens to match the paint on the walls of our dining room. It's a happy thing in a happy corner of one of my favorite rooms in our house.

It's also symbolic of those beautiful gifts or ideas we all have, but don't know quite what to do with them. Don't forget about them. Get them out, dust them off and find a place where they can shine. Write it in your journal. Tell your friend about it. See what happens. Let it come back to life and inspire you and others. There are probably more things just like it in your "life storage room" waiting to be rediscovered.

flickr in green

Enjoy all the green that you can handle here

Green, Day 2

I was dropping my kids off at school yesterday and had a passing conversation with a friend that changed my day. She asked if I was doing anything fun that day. I heard myself quickly answer, "no." Her non-verbal response was so subtle but surprising that I walked away asking myself, "Why can't I do something fun today?" Really.

I sometimes discover myself believing that fun is only for special occasions, and still not guaranteed. Even then, it's really supposed to be fun for the kids, not for me. My fun is supposed to be watching them have fun. That fine. But there's more.

I'm finally getting to the place where I can ask myself "What do I want?" and have a meaningful answer. There's a spiritual component to this, too. As a person seeking to know God better and be an authentic follower of Jesus, being honest with my wants, my desires feels vulnerable. Is it okay to want? Yes. It's honest and safe to take those desires to the One who knitted our very being, our souls and minds and bodies together. He knows the best ways to satisfy our souls. Trying to find the answer on our own is the equivalent of looking for fun on my backyard swing-set when God wants to take us to Disney World. It's safe to want. It's safe to take those desires to God. When they are met, I also meet God, the one who "restores my soul."

Yesterday I had fun. Doing the things I love (after I did some of the "have-to's") that God designed me to do. I wrote. I took pictures. I sewed. I set the timer so I could stop in time to pick up the kids. It was a good day. Thank you, Holly, for asking an important and needed question. I appreciate it!

Green!

In the spirit of Yellow Week, this is Green Week hosted by Emily at Shining Egg.

These leaves are poetry to me. I love spending months with them in my kitchen. Enjoy this week and a new month.