Catching up

So much has happened in a month. Good things like birthdays, anniversaries, loosing teeth, riding her bike for the first time without training wheels, first day of school.

I've been living it. Capturing it on my camera. Just hesitating to share it all here. Sometimes it's beyond words and I don't want to add to the clutter in the world.

Both Adam and I have found ourselves tired. We are running hard after big goals and feeling small. Feeling like it's beyond us and we can never quite get it all done. Each day brings some progress and experience tells me it really will all get done. I just don't know exactly how, yet.

I've also bee feeling humbled as a mom. A new school year is bringing new challenges for each child and the answers aren't completely clear. I basically have to cheer them on as they face challenges and give them time to grow into these new expectations without getting overwhelmed. The neighborhood kids in our inner-city neighborhood come over almost every day hungry for snacks and attention. I give them hugs, snacks, band-aids, and, occassionally help with homework. There's so much I can't fix. I do what I can when I can, but it feels small.

I got up early to read and pray the other morning as I found myself reduced to tears several times the day before. Psalm 147:6a "The Lord sustains the humble..." 5 words. I am humbled by my weakness, my humanity, my brokenness, how I don't know what to do or say in so many situations. My kids need more than I can give. Neighborhood kids are dealing with things I can hardly wrap my mind or heart around. I can only watch the struggle and struggle with them. Struggle with hope, anticipation that we all will be sustained. Carried. Lifted. Transformed.

I go to my garden during D's naps for a small escape and to play in the flowers for a few minutes. Several of the plants are going to seed now and I'm collecting the seeds for next year. It's surprisingly easy.

Actually the girls reseeded the purple and pink cosmos in the back yard last year just by playing in them. The flowers returned and bloomed all summer with such ease and grace. I keep taking pictures of them because it's such a simple and profound symbol to me of grace and mercy. My kids were simply playing, being who they are. The beauty that has sprung from that act all these months later has been so refreshing for my soul. I did nothing. Someone else planted. The rains came and the seeds grew into what I needed but could not have asked for or done on my own. That is what makes them so beautiful to me.


I'll finish with some pictures from the last month.

Savor

Yesterday the laundry and dishes and house cleaning and list-making had to wait. We played outside and rode bikes and he pulled the wagon.I'm trying to savor these moments. As cute and sweet and funny as they are, sometimes it's still hard.

Savor is the word of the day, for me. --v. To have a particular savor 2. To appreciate fully; relish.

I was savoring in a moment last Thursday on the Canal downtown. It was sunny and warm. It was quiet. Adam had David at home and I had an hour or so to myself. I took my journal and my camera. As soon as I came near these trees the sweet smell enveloped me. The smell of childhood. The smell of spring. Of new life. Of possibility.


What struck me the most was the extravagant number of flowers on each tree. The branches were literally bending under the weight of flowers! It was like a love note from God, "This is how much I love you: not an adequate amount; not a functional amount; an extravagant amount of love." It's here to savor. To marvel over. To relish.