Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
If you're interested...
I had an opportunity to give 4 talks at Common Ground's women's retreat earlier this month. We recorded them and they are now available on CG's website. Here's the link, (it's tricky to navigate to on your own). The second talk has some weird static for the first portion, but you can still hear. The static doesn't last the whole time. I listened and man, is it strange to listen to my own voice. Do I really sound like that??
The whole weekend was really special and a dream come true in many ways. A few years ago I was a struggling young mom at a women's retreat with a new baby and sleep deprivation as well as relational and spiritual dryness. I heard other women share their stories and insights and was so moved by them. "I go to church with this person almost every week and I had no idea all of this was right there under the surface!" I thought. I found myself praying that someday God would give me something of worth to share with other women and an opportunity to share that thing from Him. It was a strange prayer to pray. I was being honest with God, but was embarrassed to ask. Are you supposed to pray for that kind of thing? Is it prideful? Selfish?
I've heard a couple of women share lately that they feel like there's more to them than the one or two facets of life/roles they function in most often. They have this sense of expectation that God has more for them to do and they are waiting for it to unfold. It's like being pregnant with a dream, except you have no idea how long it will take for this dream to fully take form and take on it's own life. In the last couple of days, I've felt prompted to ask God the dangerous question of "what next?" for my life. I hesitate to ask, because I'm content where I'm at with the roles and commitments, etc. on my plate. I'd rather just try to be a nice person and do good things when I can. It's vague and feel-good. It's hard to fail at trying. But how can I not ask? The words of Psalm 25 come to mind at this place in the journey. If you have a minute, take a look.
The whole weekend was really special and a dream come true in many ways. A few years ago I was a struggling young mom at a women's retreat with a new baby and sleep deprivation as well as relational and spiritual dryness. I heard other women share their stories and insights and was so moved by them. "I go to church with this person almost every week and I had no idea all of this was right there under the surface!" I thought. I found myself praying that someday God would give me something of worth to share with other women and an opportunity to share that thing from Him. It was a strange prayer to pray. I was being honest with God, but was embarrassed to ask. Are you supposed to pray for that kind of thing? Is it prideful? Selfish?
I've heard a couple of women share lately that they feel like there's more to them than the one or two facets of life/roles they function in most often. They have this sense of expectation that God has more for them to do and they are waiting for it to unfold. It's like being pregnant with a dream, except you have no idea how long it will take for this dream to fully take form and take on it's own life. In the last couple of days, I've felt prompted to ask God the dangerous question of "what next?" for my life. I hesitate to ask, because I'm content where I'm at with the roles and commitments, etc. on my plate. I'd rather just try to be a nice person and do good things when I can. It's vague and feel-good. It's hard to fail at trying. But how can I not ask? The words of Psalm 25 come to mind at this place in the journey. If you have a minute, take a look.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wonder
I picked up Roots, Shoots, Buckets & Boots: Gardening Together with Children by Sharon Lovejoy at the library. It's great and full of good ideas--even if you don't have kids to garden with. The major purpose of gardening with children is to cultivate wonder. Do we need kids to cultivate wonder? It certainly helps, but wonder is available at any age.
Lovejoy offers this quote by Rachel Carson: "If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life... If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
I think the miracle is not a child with wonder, but an adult who can share that wonder with the child. I sometimes feel so old and the world seems framed in to do lists and tasks. What is wonder-inspiring to children is often an annoyance or inconvenience to me. Dandelions. Endless joy and wonder. From the carpets of bright yellow that become a constant source of love-bouquets to mama to the puffy seed heads that draw out wishes with closed eyes and a blow. It's not often that I have to think about my wish in the moment. Seeing those little yellow flowers not as a home owner failure needing intervention, but as a source of joy is wonder. The girls were "helping" me water plants and it turned into a water fight. Both girls were soaked and squealing with delight. Water is a non-stop source of wonder. They can't wait to get into their swim suits. I may never re-capture wonder in that area...I'm just sayn'.
I need to be more open to wonder so I can then help the kids put a label to how they live every day. Then I can turn into the grown up that gives the children an Indestructible Sense of Wonder. So we've been planting seeds outside and noticing things and talking about them and holding hands and dancing.
This is a tough one. I'm up and down on this. Monday was a hard day where I pretty much didn't want to do anything near kid-related. Today was a good day for a lot of reasons. One of the reasons was that I played duck-duck-goose with Emily and about 6 toys. At one point, the toys were winning. At every point I was having fun.
Lovejoy offers this quote by Rachel Carson: "If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life... If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
I think the miracle is not a child with wonder, but an adult who can share that wonder with the child. I sometimes feel so old and the world seems framed in to do lists and tasks. What is wonder-inspiring to children is often an annoyance or inconvenience to me. Dandelions. Endless joy and wonder. From the carpets of bright yellow that become a constant source of love-bouquets to mama to the puffy seed heads that draw out wishes with closed eyes and a blow. It's not often that I have to think about my wish in the moment. Seeing those little yellow flowers not as a home owner failure needing intervention, but as a source of joy is wonder. The girls were "helping" me water plants and it turned into a water fight. Both girls were soaked and squealing with delight. Water is a non-stop source of wonder. They can't wait to get into their swim suits. I may never re-capture wonder in that area...I'm just sayn'.
I need to be more open to wonder so I can then help the kids put a label to how they live every day. Then I can turn into the grown up that gives the children an Indestructible Sense of Wonder. So we've been planting seeds outside and noticing things and talking about them and holding hands and dancing.
This is a tough one. I'm up and down on this. Monday was a hard day where I pretty much didn't want to do anything near kid-related. Today was a good day for a lot of reasons. One of the reasons was that I played duck-duck-goose with Emily and about 6 toys. At one point, the toys were winning. At every point I was having fun.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Growing and trying
Sorry to be away so long. Two weeks ago was the big ramp up to our Common Ground women's retreat. I was on the planning team and gave four talks over the weekend on Journey, Identity, Passion and Purpose. That week involved a lot of writing--much more than normal. The weekend went great. There were about 65-70 amazing women there who worked at connecting to God and to each other. They were gracious with me as a non-professional public speaker and God was gracious to speak through me. I have to admit that I had a blast. It was a dream come true to be able to share the beautiful truths that God's word offers women; find meaning in some of my experiences and see that all intertwine into something that really spoke to many.
I was exhausted when I got home and it took a week of sort of exhaling and wandering around the house doing very little to get back to somethin
g like normal.
Saturday was a big day as the scissors came out and I started on the curtains!! I turned on a recording of Ellen DeGeneres while cutting to help me relax, smile and ignore all the voices in my head telling me how I can't cut straight and am not good at figuring this stuff out...
My brave and kind husband took all three kids all morning starting at soccer in the cold and rain. They came home early and I made 4 different versions of hot chocolate for all four of them. Wow. Can you say "high maintenance?" Can you say "love?" Yeah.
So it's looking pretty good. I got lining on sale for 50% off and 6 curtain rods on sale for 40% off. That helps. Everything is cut and ironed and I'm ready to sew the 48 tabs for the backs. On about tab number 30 last night I started getting a little board and found myself wondering if there's any spiritual lesson in this whole adventure. I think we all have something costly and special to us that we're afraid to bring out of hiding and risk trying to make that into something special. A hope, an aspiration or dream that seems to far-fetched or risky or selfish. I know I'm not alone in my fear of failure or loss. It's taken me 5 years to hear that voice saying, "don't be afraid, just try. What do you have to lose?" Really this fabric wasn't doing anyone any good in the closet. Even if I mess up and end up with no curtains, I will have at least tried and gained experience from that rather than hiding from the possibility of difficulty or failure. Isn't that the real point? The finished product is a reminder of the journey, not the singular goal. So I'm trying and going slow and being careful and trusting myself and having fun. I also figure its okay to pray and ask God to help me do a good job making curtains. He gave artisans in the Old Testament skill to create the things he asked them to make, so hopefully he'll give me some grace and skill, too.
I'm realizing that 2 of my goals for the year are 1) to get better at sewing--I'd really love to make my family some clothes (lounge pants and summer dresses, hopefully); and 2) to be more proactive about my part in caring for the environment. (More on that in an other blog entry.) There's a lot more I'd like to do this year, but those are two personal goals I have.
Our garden seeds are starting to sprout. This always brings me great joy and wonder. I'm realizing that, though I'm mediocre at gardening, it is a spiritual practice for me and a great source of joy and anticipation. I ordered a book from the library upon the recommendation of Soulemama, called, Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots: Gardening Together With Children, by Sharon Lovejoy. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow along with the next book our book club is reading.
I was exhausted when I got home and it took a week of sort of exhaling and wandering around the house doing very little to get back to somethin
g like normal.Saturday was a big day as the scissors came out and I started on the curtains!! I turned on a recording of Ellen DeGeneres while cutting to help me relax, smile and ignore all the voices in my head telling me how I can't cut straight and am not good at figuring this stuff out...
My brave and kind husband took all three kids all morning starting at soccer in the cold and rain. They came home early and I made 4 different versions of hot chocolate for all four of them. Wow. Can you say "high maintenance?" Can you say "love?" Yeah.
So it's looking pretty good. I got lining on sale for 50% off and 6 curtain rods on sale for 40% off. That helps. Everything is cut and ironed and I'm ready to sew the 48 tabs for the backs. On about tab number 30 last night I started getting a little board and found myself wondering if there's any spiritual lesson in this whole adventure. I think we all have something costly and special to us that we're afraid to bring out of hiding and risk trying to make that into something special. A hope, an aspiration or dream that seems to far-fetched or risky or selfish. I know I'm not alone in my fear of failure or loss. It's taken me 5 years to hear that voice saying, "don't be afraid, just try. What do you have to lose?" Really this fabric wasn't doing anyone any good in the closet. Even if I mess up and end up with no curtains, I will have at least tried and gained experience from that rather than hiding from the possibility of difficulty or failure. Isn't that the real point? The finished product is a reminder of the journey, not the singular goal. So I'm trying and going slow and being careful and trusting myself and having fun. I also figure its okay to pray and ask God to help me do a good job making curtains. He gave artisans in the Old Testament skill to create the things he asked them to make, so hopefully he'll give me some grace and skill, too.
I'm realizing that 2 of my goals for the year are 1) to get better at sewing--I'd really love to make my family some clothes (lounge pants and summer dresses, hopefully); and 2) to be more proactive about my part in caring for the environment. (More on that in an other blog entry.) There's a lot more I'd like to do this year, but those are two personal goals I have.
Our garden seeds are starting to sprout. This always brings me great joy and wonder. I'm realizing that, though I'm mediocre at gardening, it is a spiritual practice for me and a great source of joy and anticipation. I ordered a book from the library upon the recommendation of Soulemama, called, Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots: Gardening Together With Children, by Sharon Lovejoy. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow along with the next book our book club is reading.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Spinning
I'm really trying to slow down from time to time and see and enjoy my kids. I'm the mom who's found herself telling her kids to hurry when we don't have anywhere to be and no one's waiting on us...bad. The other day our son fell asleep in the car. He's the youngest of 3 and often gets shuffled from here to there around the schedules of the rest of the family. Naps are good for him and a window of opportunity for me to be productive. I brought him in and sat in the rocker given to us upon the birth of our first child. He stayed asleep and I just rocked with his head on my shoulder for a long time. It was deeply soothing and good beyond the words I can find at this moment.
Tonight was the end of a fairly crazy day. My husband worked late and I took the kids out for some fast food which included me spilling a drink and our son spilling a milk shake and throwing a temper tantrum with food flying everywhere. I fed him when we got home. It was the kind of "feeding" where he took a bite and ran around for a while...upstairs into some other projects back downstairs, another bite...For my personality this is fuel for a crazy mommy. Tonight, somehow I just really wanted to be with him. I gave him a bite of banana and we started spinning on the kitchen floor. I was in my socks and the sun was setting letting warm, golden spring light into the room. Everything was a blur except for his face. His smiling face chewing healthy food with a mom who loves him and knows him and can make him laugh and fill his body with food (when he agrees to eat). I want this for every orphan in India. Every orphan all over the world. A moment of perfect spinning with a mom, a smile and a full tummy.
Tonight was the end of a fairly crazy day. My husband worked late and I took the kids out for some fast food which included me spilling a drink and our son spilling a milk shake and throwing a temper tantrum with food flying everywhere. I fed him when we got home. It was the kind of "feeding" where he took a bite and ran around for a while...upstairs into some other projects back downstairs, another bite...For my personality this is fuel for a crazy mommy. Tonight, somehow I just really wanted to be with him. I gave him a bite of banana and we started spinning on the kitchen floor. I was in my socks and the sun was setting letting warm, golden spring light into the room. Everything was a blur except for his face. His smiling face chewing healthy food with a mom who loves him and knows him and can make him laugh and fill his body with food (when he agrees to eat). I want this for every orphan in India. Every orphan all over the world. A moment of perfect spinning with a mom, a smile and a full tummy.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Spring Break
We're on spring break this week. Yesterday, I'm happy to say I was in my pj's until 4pm!! Yes. It was great. Today we had our family favorite for both special days and ordinary days: Cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs. It's a race to see who can finish their eggs first to get the first choice of cinnamon rolls.
We are doing great on the car situation. Thank you to so many of you for your interest, concern and offers to help. A family from our school was on vacation this week and offered us their van for the week. And then Sunday morning, a friend who is leaving for 5 months to work with an organization called Loving South Africa (LSA) offered her car to us while she's gone. This means we will be back to 2 cars for a while. See--it really does all come together! God is good.
Spring break at home started with a list at the end of last week of things the girls wanted to do. David's happy just having his big sisters around. We're doing "the letter of the day" com
plete with picture
s and words. Yesterday, Carolyn gave the girls temporary tattoos, there was a lot of dress up and crafts. I made a pseudo-Indian dish for dinner using a Rachel Ray recipe. Carolyn threw a huge fit announcing that type of food is horrible. When asked what kids in India eat, she announced miserably that "they probably didn't like it either." Oh well. She made it through and we had milkshakes for desert. Mmmmm. A good day. I need to work out today! :)
I need some decorating advice. I bought this fabric almost (a-hem) 5 years ago in Maderia, an island off of Portugal when Adam and I went there for our 5 year anniversary. I loved the design and colors and thought it would work well with the colors in our home. I had to decide on the spot how much I needed to make curtains for up to 6 windows. All the windows on the 1st floor are exactly the same dimensions. I'm wanting/willing to sew curtains, but I'm not super confident in my sewing skills and don't want to be disappointed or waste this fabric...so it's just been sitting for a long, long time. Thoughts, patterns, advice?
We are doing great on the car situation. Thank you to so many of you for your interest, concern and offers to help. A family from our school was on vacation this week and offered us their van for the week. And then Sunday morning, a friend who is leaving for 5 months to work with an organization called Loving South Africa (LSA) offered her car to us while she's gone. This means we will be back to 2 cars for a while. See--it really does all come together! God is good.
Spring break at home started with a list at the end of last week of things the girls wanted to do. David's happy just having his big sisters around. We're doing "the letter of the day" com
plete with picture
s and words. Yesterday, Carolyn gave the girls temporary tattoos, there was a lot of dress up and crafts. I made a pseudo-Indian dish for dinner using a Rachel Ray recipe. Carolyn threw a huge fit announcing that type of food is horrible. When asked what kids in India eat, she announced miserably that "they probably didn't like it either." Oh well. She made it through and we had milkshakes for desert. Mmmmm. A good day. I need to work out today! :)I need some decorating advice. I bought this fabric almost (a-hem) 5 years ago in Maderia, an island off of Portugal when Adam and I went there for our 5 year anniversary. I loved the design and colors and thought it would work well with the colors in our home. I had to decide on the spot how much I needed to make curtains for up to 6 windows. All the windows on the 1st floor are exactly the same dimensions. I'm wanting/willing to sew curtains, but I'm not super confident in my sewing skills and don't want to be disappointed or waste this fabric...so it's just been sitting for a long, long time. Thoughts, patterns, advice?
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