Heart and Hands

Food for Thought

2010-02-16T12:20:00.005-06:00

I once read a book about writing. The author said, "when you see yourself as a writer, the whole world is filled with stories to be told." I think the same is true for the moments when I see myself as a photographer. My whole world is bursting with images to be captured.

This is the ordinary beauty that captured me over the past few weeks:

A field trip to a 25-acre green house. It was like walking in Spring for a little while. Baby seedlings and hanging baskets by the acre. It was warm and quiet and sunny. Spring will come!

My kitchen counter was full of texture and flavor. There's been a lot of soup and bread here in these cold, snowy weeks of February. The sun made even this lowly onion sparkle.

The view from two different kitchen windows. Those icicles keep growing and changing. Even winter doesn't hold still. And this Cardinal has been one of many fantastic, colorful, visitors outside my octogon window. This bird feeder was a mother's day gift from a few years ago and it's truly a gift that keeps giving. Just below the window is a Midwestern Bird Guide and just outside the window is an on-going reminder of the tenacity and resilience of nature. It's an entertaining show for just the price of bird seed.

Finally. My friend the amaryllis. She's been bursting out of that lowly bulb and reaching toward the light for about 5 years now! I bring her out of rest in my cool, dark laundry room just after Christmas and she is another green and red reminder that spring will come and from loam leaps life. Again and again. I'm treasuring the light and the green. The ordinary that's finding me and asking me to capture it, to hold on through these last few weeks of winter. To cultivate persistence and gratitude and to find a way to grow.

This is a cool blog I found in the last week. It's been blowing my mind. I added it to my "inspiration" list on the side bar. Take a minute or two to explore and be inspired.

Eye Candy

2010-01-25T23:03:00.001-06:00

In a sort of nerdy, OCD way... but still awesome.

right here

A time to respond

2009-11-27T11:19:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I often feel I can never give back as much as I receive. When I look around at the people who love me, the experiences I've had, the things I have. My heart is full. You may feel the same way.

When I look at the brokenness in the world--poverty and all that flows from it, I also feel like I can never do enough to push back on the tsunami of need.

The answer to both of my problems is the same. Love one person well. Right now. In this moment. That is enough. Those who love me and those whom I will never meet. I can love them both well in this moment. In both cases, responding to their most basic needs with presence and what resources I have does make a difference. I can't fix everything forever but I can do something in this moment. And so can you! Really.

Today, a website is launching. It's called ThereIsEnough.org. It's a giving portal to respond in a meaningful way to the most basic needs in the world. We--you and I--really can make a difference. The resources are there. I just have to open my hands and give what I can today. You can too. It matters. There Is Enough hope, peace, food, water, love.

It's time to respond.

Click here.

Thank you.

Thought for the Day

2009-11-18T11:23:00.002-06:00

"...I don't think for a minute that a centered life is the solution to all our problems. Rather it is a way to respond to our problems. We don't withdraw from the world to a center. We respond to the world from our center."

-Sue Monk Kidd, God's Joyful Surprise

I've been struggling a bit lately and often find myself going to Kidd's earlier books like this one and Firstlight for perspective and insight.

So I'm sharing it because I suspect I'm not alone and to let you know that I'm in process. The danger of blogs is that they present a very small and stylized snapshot of my life or the life of someone else. Lest you think I think deep thoughts and am stable and happy all the time, let me be clear. :) I do have an amazing support system all around me and know that these struggles are an opportunity to take a deep look at my life and thinking processes and to move in a healthier direction. Course corrections, would be the best way to sum it up.

So, I'm trying to go back to the center. To look around and see how I'm responding to problems and see what that says about my center now and what needs to change.

Autumn joy

2009-10-30T15:03:00.005-05:00

Three autumns. I've actually been taking pictures of the kids in this very spot since my oldest was 18 months old and my second oldest was in a car seat. It takes my breath away how quickly they change and grow. To have a consistent background against which to measure their transformation is priceless. Some things change slowly--houses, trees, neighborhoods. Some things change before our eyes. My babies are growing up. I am, too, I guess.

May every season of our lives hold something worth celebrating. May the seasons bring deeper roots, and greater stability against the inevitable storms. May we be truly present in the moment, the hour, the day. To dance in the rain, splash in the pool, dive into the leaves and romp in the snow is to truly live. Let's live today. Really live.

Give Away!

2009-10-06T12:19:00.005-05:00

Last week brought an opportunity to visit an apple orchard in our area. I was almost as excited about photographing the experience as I was to take home tons of apples. My neighbor and her little ones and my mom all joined us and it was wonderful. The weather was crisp, we just missed the crowds and the trees were full of beautiful, charming apples. I wonder if they are more beautiful simply being in their natural environment. I took many pictures, but wanted to share something special with you.

This last image of my daughter holding an apple is one of my favorite. I had it made into note cards and I'd like to give a set of 10 blank cards and envelopes with this picture on it to one of you! Please leave a comment between now and Friday at 8pm. I'll use a random number generator to choose the winner and notify you. Good luck and happy autumn!

Art and Craft

2009-09-24T21:46:00.005-05:00

I'm a recovering perfectionist. Most people that know me well are not surprised by this. As a kid I would only do things that I thought I could do well. If I hit a wall, I'd stop. If I didn't know what would happen I wouldn't even try. Sad.

So fast-forward to a much different season in life. This spring I spent a week in (mostly) silence on a personal retreat. During meals at the retreat center recordings were played on various topics related to solitude, silence and meditation. One day the topic turned to craft and art. The post on quilting brought me back to this idea.

The speaker compared a life of "craft" to a life of "art." The basic idea being that our lives can be a replica of someone else's idea of beauty or a risky and original attempt at our own meaningful expression of a life of beauty. It struck me as thought provoking and I've thought about it off and on ever since.

Here's the thing. Almost nothing in life is "either-or." All or nothing. How can we find our voice unless we follow in the footsteps of other artists? An artist begins as a craftsperson. Not to mention that a craftsperson--someone who consistently creates a similar item is needed and valuable, not second-class. We need both to make our world work. We need to be both. Consistent and brave. Modeling the principals and giving space for new forms of expression.

This is essential as a person. I model my life on the women who have come before me, those who live around me. Yet, I need to be my own voice, my own unique contribution to womanhood. As a wife. As a mother. As a person of faith.

It's just easier to be safe. To pick a safe life in a safe neighborhood. To teach our kids to be safe. It's a starting point, but the next lesson is to learn who we really are and to try to become that person. This is scary. To empower my husband, my children, my friends to live their dreams means distance, risk, maybe failure. The stakes are high. It's understandable to be scared.

People who are afraid do so many stupid things. And that's where faith comes in, I think. Faith, for me, is the balance of craft and art. Rules and risk. Clarity and mystery. It's what moves me forward and calms my fear. It's what gives me strength to listen to a friend or send my husband off on a plane to a canyon in the middle of nowhere. It's what compels me to try to live a life of meaning and purpose. It's what's teaching me that it's paradoxically safe to risk.

Quilting--perfection with all the corners matching and the colors coordinating and the stitches even verses an improvised, off-center gathering of fabric layered and bound. They both keep you warm at the end of the day. Both are needed. Both offer lessons in discipline and beauty.

Welcome!

2009-09-22T15:31:00.002-05:00

Autumn. It has come. Technically. Isn't it funny how the calendar and the weather don't always pay attention to one another on those particular transition days?

I love this season most of all. It is the arms reaching between a rich, full summer and a dark, quiet winter. It is fullness and savoring the last outdoor days. It is harvest and light. It is surrendering to the chill and sleep of winter's calm. Candlelight and sweaters. Apple crisp and cider. It is a mass of green trees reclaiming their individual voices one vibrantly colored leaf at a time. It is the promise that letting go is not the end, but a way to cultivate a new beginning. Welcome Autumn.

Inspiration

2009-09-15T13:36:00.004-05:00

The best part of finishing a creative project for me is the anticipation of starting another one! I finished a big (for me) knitting project. This baby blanket:

I also made a couple of cute swaddling blankets using this as a guide.

Finally, I'm sewing the binding on a wall-hanging quilt to welcome home a very sweet baby boy adopted from the Congo. This one was a long-time coming and, like many projects had it share of grumbling (mostly, "what was I thinking" and "oh no, it's not working!!) and payoffs (as in, "this actually looks like a quilt!"). You know how that goes, right?

My biggest realization from making these last projects is how much I love the soft, reassuring feeling of a hand-made blanket spreading out around me. Or wrapping one around one of my sweet children. This is a heritage passed down from my great-grandmother. As a child, we had almost no "store bought" blankets in our home or on our beds. My great-grandma would hand cut and hand piece quilts all winter long, tie or hand quilt them, and give them to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their beauty was not in their preciseness or perfect color coordination, but in their quirkiness, and their slight imperfections. I loved them more and felt more at home wrapped in their soft honesty.

Making this most recent quilt for a friend revealed my many flaws as a quilt-maker. It's far from square and precise and I thought that was a downfall, but it certainly makes the quilt unique. It is no less filled with love, for sure!

More on this idea soon, but in the mean time, here is a lovely flickr group with quilts in the spirit of a quilt artist named Denyse Schmidt who makes me smile and gives me hope I might be able to create art with fabric and bring a smile to someone else.

Catching up

2009-09-10T13:11:00.004-05:00

So much has happened in a month. Good things like birthdays, anniversaries, loosing teeth, riding her bike for the first time without training wheels, first day of school.

I've been living it. Capturing it on my camera. Just hesitating to share it all here. Sometimes it's beyond words and I don't want to add to the clutter in the world.

Both Adam and I have found ourselves tired. We are running hard after big goals and feeling small. Feeling like it's beyond us and we can never quite get it all done. Each day brings some progress and experience tells me it really will all get done. I just don't know exactly how, yet.

I've also bee feeling humbled as a mom. A new school year is bringing new challenges for each child and the answers aren't completely clear. I basically have to cheer them on as they face challenges and give them time to grow into these new expectations without getting overwhelmed. The neighborhood kids in our inner-city neighborhood come over almost every day hungry for snacks and attention. I give them hugs, snacks, band-aids, and, occassionally help with homework. There's so much I can't fix. I do what I can when I can, but it feels small.

I got up early to read and pray the other morning as I found myself reduced to tears several times the day before. Psalm 147:6a "The Lord sustains the humble..." 5 words. I am humbled by my weakness, my humanity, my brokenness, how I don't know what to do or say in so many situations. My kids need more than I can give. Neighborhood kids are dealing with things I can hardly wrap my mind or heart around. I can only watch the struggle and struggle with them. Struggle with hope, anticipation that we all will be sustained. Carried. Lifted. Transformed.

I go to my garden during D's naps for a small escape and to play in the flowers for a few minutes. Several of the plants are going to seed now and I'm collecting the seeds for next year. It's surprisingly easy.

Actually the girls reseeded the purple and pink cosmos in the back yard last year just by playing in them. The flowers returned and bloomed all summer with such ease and grace. I keep taking pictures of them because it's such a simple and profound symbol to me of grace and mercy. My kids were simply playing, being who they are. The beauty that has sprung from that act all these months later has been so refreshing for my soul. I did nothing. Someone else planted. The rains came and the seeds grew into what I needed but could not have asked for or done on my own. That is what makes them so beautiful to me.

I'll finish with some pictures from the last month.

Hello August

2009-08-03T07:19:00.003-05:00

Summer is rolling on. August is here. At our house that means birthdays, anniversaries, school shopping, and the state fair. Fun, but busy.

I've also started running. I started in May, actually. I used this plan, recommended by my amazing, running neighbor. She has been a huge inspiration and encouragement to me and I can't recommend this plan highly enough for anyone interested in running or (like me) who's had bad experiences with running in the past. You really can do this. Trust the plan and give yourself permission to go slow and easy. Get good shoes. I didn't until recently and I'm paying for it.

I need moments to focus on the summer beauty. To re-center and to celebrate the beauty of this season. In the closing days days (for us) of summer and the build up of activity and celebration, here are a few calm places in my house/yard. I hope you can find a few quiet places that refresh your mind and soul this week.

Grace and peace.

Summer is

2009-07-13T21:53:00.004-05:00

play dates and picnics at the park.

beach towels on the clothes line.

kids in swimsuits still happy to play in the backyard wading pool.

hearing her sing and knowing it's because she's happy.
sweet toes.
sidewalk chalk

skinned knees, kisses and band aids.

talking over the fence with neighbors.

fireflies rising out of the grass as the light fades.

sitting on the porch with him.

dreaming.

Colorado

2009-07-11T14:57:00.004-05:00

We're home from 10 days in Colorado. We flew in and out of Denver after driving to Florida. It was best for the sanity of our family! My Aunt and Uncle generously hosted us and we had a lot of fun hanging with with cousins and baby Anne. Matching home made polka dot outfits greeted the kids and we managed a successful photo shoot before our departure:
We met with a fellow adoptive family who's daughter is nearly David's age. David and Raina were in the children's home together and came home within weeks of each other. Animal crackers and ice cream (two universal loves of toddlers) smoothed the path to friendship. Thanks to Tami for making the time and the drive to meet us. It was fun!

Apricots at the Farmer's Market just asked to be tasted and photographed. Mountain sunsets in the wide and colorful Colorado sky took our breath away every single day. It was greener than it has been there for, oh, about 45 years (according to my Grandpa, a Colorado native). This is dangerous for me. My soul is somehow deeply fed by all things green in nature. I grew up in Wyoming and Colorado constantly disappointed by brown summers and brown winters. I longed for magical, romantic, robust seasons. I dearly love the midwest's seasons--fireflies, piles of leaves, giant snowflakes, you get what I'm saying. So an unusually green summer in Colorado made me question my memories a bit and wonder if I should give the western climate another chance.

The mountains were also unusually stunning to my jaded eyes. I had lots of summer camps in the mountains in my teen years. All I remembered was that it was scraggly, cold, and it rained almost every day--usually at the most in-opportune times. The mountains were unfortunately associated with the teen angst that accompanied too many of my summer camp experiences.

It was fresh and new and beautiful, this time. Seeing my kids surrounded by pine trees, swaying grasses and huge boulders was amazing. Humming birds buzzed all around us with their mesmerizing wings and shimmering bodies.

In Boulder, we were hosted by an amazing retired couple who built their home on a wildlife reserve for the purpose of hosting people. There were three huge bedrooms upstairs and a porch with a stunning view of the valley and wildlife. They fed us every morning and the kids loved playing with Lucy, their sweet dog and on the "mountain swing."

All in all, it was a rich and enjoyable time. Lots of great pictures, good memories and important conversations. Thanks to all our friends and family who made time to share a meal with us. Thank you to our host family in Boulder. Strangers who are now friends.

Rest

2009-06-30T22:12:00.004-05:00

Adam's on a 6-week sabbatical from his job as a worship and arts pastor. Our church generously gives pastors a break on their 7th year of service. It's been a great time for him to rest and get away. He went to the Abby where I was in April. We've been to Florida. First to the beach.

Then we surprised the kids with Disney World. It was such a gift as parents to be able to take the kids to experience the whole Disney thing. It was overwhelming and hot, but worth it.
We drove home for a little turn around time and then got on a plane to Colorado. We're staying with my aunt and uncle and they have a spectacular view of mountain sunsets.

More to come. I just wanted to let you all know we haven't dropped off the map.

Good Days

2009-05-11T09:25:00.005-05:00

Her training wheels are off.
We had a great dinner with family. There was strawberry shortcake and BBQ Chicken sandwiches.
He got up early and made me breakfast--before work at 7am. They made cards and a seed holder tower.

I wore my clothes from India and said a prayer for a mother who is part of our lives, yet someone I've never met.

I hope your weekend was lovely, too.

Savor

2009-05-05T08:16:00.005-05:00

Yesterday the laundry and dishes and house cleaning and list-making had to wait. We played outside and rode bikes and he pulled the wagon.I'm trying to savor these moments. As cute and sweet and funny as they are, sometimes it's still hard.

Savor is the word of the day, for me. --v. To have a particular savor 2. To appreciate fully; relish.

I was savoring in a moment last Thursday on the Canal downtown. It was sunny and warm. It was quiet. Adam had David at home and I had an hour or so to myself. I took my journal and my camera. As soon as I came near these trees the sweet smell enveloped me. The smell of childhood. The smell of spring. Of new life. Of possibility.

What struck me the most was the extravagant number of flowers on each tree. The branches were literally bending under the weight of flowers! It was like a love note from God, "This is how much I love you: not an adequate amount; not a functional amount; an extravagant amount of love." It's here to savor. To marvel over. To relish.

the abby

2009-04-19T20:08:00.002-05:00

As some of you may know, i had the opportunity to go on a 5-day personal retreat to The Abby at Gethsamani in Trappist, KY. They observe silence most of the time as a chance to deeply reflect and to more easily commune and pray to God. It was a simple, yet deeply beautiful place. It was good and strange to be alone with almost no time constraints (except meals).

I took long walks on the grounds, found a huge grassy hill that was warm and sunny the first day and just lay down in the grass and let the sun warm me and the breeze flow over my skin and rustle the long grass all around me. When I opened my eyes, my head was turned to the side. All I could see was long grass dancing in the wind with deep blue sky behind it. I purposely didn't bring my camera the first day so I could focus on "being" not doing. I wish I had my camera at that moment, but the image was so vivid, I hope I'll never forget it.

I read and wrote a lot in my journal. There were a lot of places to sit and reflect and a lot of beautiful scenery. Here's a link to an album on flickr.

For those who long for a taste of this sort of experience, let me encourage you: go for it. Even for a day or two. The drive was lovely and the experience will awaken your soul, if you let it. I have the best husband in the world, for making space and supporting me so generously. Thank you also to my amazing sister-in-law who kept all 3 kids and shuttled everyone to and from school, made lunches and helped with homework. It was a relief knowing they were in such good hands.

If you don't mind, I'll share a bit more in the next couple of days.

Grace and peace.

Holding the Stillness

2009-04-08T15:03:00.002-05:00

these simple images captured me yesterday as the evening sun was pouring through my kitchen windows. i took a break from dinner preparation and eating to capture the light. seeing the images makes me want to hold still and listen. to breathe and really see. to take in the moment. even with children and sound swirling all around. we can still hold the stillness and find rest.

The Little Things

2009-04-05T07:46:00.004-05:00

Our spring break is winding down. We planned on a week doing things around the house and around the city. We didn't plan on fevers and coughs that have lasted all week and spread to two kids and one husband. We've been inside most of the week with some short dashes to the store or other errands.

Yesterday evening brought a much-needed walk for D, E, and me. The sun felt so good, the light was beautiful and nature was bursting with life and color. E took a clip board and pencil to sketch nature as she saw it. She does this often at school and I marvel at her observation skills and confidence. D found all kinds of treasures for me to hold. The frequent pauses were perfect for a curious 2 year-old. Here are some images from our time together:

When we got home, I couldn't help but notice how the sun held this newly planted terra cotta pot in my window.

Wishing you wonder and health and joy this week.

Fun Project

2009-03-31T08:59:00.003-05:00

There are lots of new babies on the way or recently arrived around here. It's fun to celebrate these new lives. I've been wanting to make a special, personal, handmade gift for these little ones. But I'm a painfully slow knitter and I'm still plugging away at the February Lady sweater. And many of these babies are spring or summer babies. Hats or sweaters don't make a lot of sense.

Instead, I made my first felt block toy inspired by The Creative Family. The book was a little thin on directions for the decorations. I tried a sharpie pen and wasn't happy with the results. So I cut out some simple shapes that needed no detail and carefully sewed them on to each block. The trick was sewing them with enough margin to allow for seams on all sides. The second tricky part was sewing the last pieces of the block in the right order and closing the last seam by hand. Practice will make this easier, I think. Still, it was done in a day and I was happy with it. I put a few bells inside so it makes sounds when you shake it.

Here are some pictures in progress and the sweet baby boy.

Adventure

2009-03-26T07:51:00.007-05:00

I love the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Have you seen it? It's well written--so many quotes and insights into our humanity and journey. I watched it on my birthday last December and try to watch it every so often to keep the wonder and anticipation fresh in my own journey. Natalie Portman's character, Molly Mahoney, is "stuck" as a person. She knows she has so much potential, she just can't seem to break through some invisible barrier to fully express all that is in her. She moves between calling people to believe in the magic she knows to be true and resigned cynicism--that the magic works for others, but not for her.

Mr. Magorium gives her an odd gift one day--for an adventure. He says, "Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools." Mahoney asks, "Are we going on an adventure?" "My dear," replies Mr. Magorium, "we're already on one."

Yes. We are. Every moment of our lives. We just don't know it sometimes. Other times we see the option to plunge into the unknown and we back away. Back into safety, responsibility, predictability, manageable situations, plenty of margin, no risk. We've been convinced this is better. Better not to ask the risky questions of ourselves, our beliefs or others. What if we don't like the answers? Better not to dream. What if it doesn't come true? Better not to try. What if I fail? Better to believe in myself, not God. What if He doesn't come through? Better not to feel. What if I feel something I don't know how to handle? What if I don't know what to do? Adventure.

It whispers to us in movies and music. In people living lives we admire but could never see ourselves living. It's for them. We're just ordinary. The magic doesn't work for us. Right?

"The choice before us is to journey or to homestead, to live like Abraham the friend of God, or like Robinson Crusoe, the lost soul cobbling together some sort of existence with whatever he can salvage from the wreckage of the world. Crusoe was no pilgrim; he was a survivor, hunkered down for the duration. He lived in a very, very small world where he was the lead character and all else found its focus in him. Of course, to be fair, Crusoe was stranded on an island with little hope of rescue. We have been rescued, but still the choice is ours to stay in our small stories, clutching our household gods and false lovers, or to run in search of life."
-The Sacred Romance, by Curtis and Eldridge

(I highly recommend this book, by the way. The accompanying workbook has been critical to really processing my own struggles and journey. It is well worth the investment to really examine these ideas and your own journey. Take your time and give yourself a tremendous gift.)

I've been on adventures. Lots of them. I always freaked out at some point. Usually more than once. I often felt some serious regret and fear: "Take me back!! I change my mind. I don't really want to do this." We can retreat, but we can never really go back. We can settle, but we'll always be haunted by the whispers of adventure. Even though I always freak out and want to change my mind, I'm always (eventually) the better for the adventures I've had. I have backed out of a few risky opportunities. The good news is that the core challenges will almost always come back again to present themselves. The bad news is that the cost may be extremely high.

We're already on an adventure. Where are you going? Who is with you? What baggage are you carrying? These are the questions I'm asking myself these days. Cue the music and lace up your hiking boots.

I'm ready. I think.

Feelin' it

2009-03-20T12:43:00.005-05:00

I've become more intentional lately about making time to be still, listen, write, and read. One of the themes in several of the books I've read or am reading is to let yourself feel. It seems sort of obvious or odd to have to spend time on that topic when it should be one of our most natural behaviors.

Through my kids, I can see the other end of the spectrum. Kids can "see" and feel and feel and function in a completely imaginary world. Their imaginary realities deeply affect their physical reality. We make a seat for the imaginary friend. We hide from the pretend tiger. We dance with the imaginary prince. They slowly move from being surrounded by wonder to becoming deeply aware of the simple physical reality around them. Imagination can fade; emotions tempered to what's real and what's "pretend." Slowly, I find myself not feeling much about my realty and forgetting how to pretend, how to imagine, how to play.

Exercising with a DVD recently, I heard the instructor say, "Feel everything there is to feel with the motion." Feel everything. That's what I try not to do. It would open a can of worms! It would make me too vulnerable, make me even more "high maintenance" that I already am! :)
The hardest thing about feeling, wanting, and dreaming as an adult is the stinging possibility of denial. So we deaden our hearts. Numb ourselves with television, sports, office politics, the weather. Constant droning to silence our hearts. Drown out the voices. We put it off. "One day...maybe when I retire...when the kids are in school...when I have more time."

I'm letting myself feel everything there is to feel. I came close to the emotional cliff and peered over. But I backed away and am on more steady ground. (Long story.) I cry a little more often. I laugh with my kids a lot more often. My house is a little messier. But I know what I want. I know how I feel and what I think. I am letting myself do the things that I've always wanted to try but put off for another day. I feel more myself. More alive. More aware of my limitations and more willing to try and see what happens. I'm less afraid of failure (just a tiny bit less afraid--still more work to do there, I guess). I just don't want to spend my life not living.

I'm in a good place of trying and doing. I just wanted to share that with you. It's been a year since I started this blog. Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I so appreciate your thoughts and comments and support. I'm looking forward to what the road ahead holds for us.

Here are some pictures of my kids--my inspiration and motivation to live well and to live fully present.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T13:26:00.002-05:00

A picture and a poem.

Green

Go.
Go this way.
Grow. Miracle that it is.
Evergreen. Everlasting.
Chemical Reaction
Transaction.
Envy's result.
Eco-sumersault.
Light to dark living, forgiving.
Returning again to awaken
the senses and draw me
out of my winter shell.

List for Today

2009-03-11T16:28:00.003-05:00

Pay bills
Purge papers
Taxes-Miss M.
Dust/Vacuum
Clean Bathroom
Sweep/Mop
Check furnace filter
Cook Chicken
Make Chili
Breathe
Listen
See
Feel
Shower
Call dryer repair person
---
I got about half the list done. No shower. No cooked chicken. No bills paid today. I did breathe and feel and try to see and listen.

I got sidetracked as cleaning projects will sometimes do. I cleaned off the top of the refrigerator...which led to organizing the kids' art supplies...which led to sharpening pencils...deep breath.

Our dryer also got repaired today (hurray!!!) I've never been so happy to have piles of soft, warm, clean (non-stiff or scratchy) laundry waiting for me to fold.

Green, 5

2009-03-06T13:56:00.003-06:00

This is for a memory quilt to welcome a sweet baby being adopted by our friends. At the baby shower, the participants were invited to use fabric markers on pre-cut squares to draw pictures, write messages, etc. My gift to them is to assemble the quilt as a wall-hanging for his room.

We've had the joy of experiencing international adoption as well as becoming parents biologically. Both are profound and transformational experiences. I couldn't be happier to create this gift for my friends and for their son. Come home soon, little one!

Green Day 4 and a must-see video

2009-03-05T05:23:00.004-06:00

Tuesday was winter. Wednesday was spring.
Tuesday was hope deferred. Wednesday was hope whispering.
It's coming...
Tuesday was doing. Wednesday was being.
I can't wait to see what Thursday brings.
So far, Thursday has given this quote:

"Inspiration far more often comes during the work than before it because the largest part of the job of the artists is to listen to the work and to go where it tells him to go." (Madeline L'Engle)

and this happy, inspiring, fun video clip

Here's what I saw yesterday in my green world:

Green, Day 3

2009-03-04T05:45:00.002-06:00

I bought this star on impulse years ago. I was drawn to the color. I could never find the right place to display it. It's not flat on the back so it looks awkward on a wall. It languished in my laundry room/storage room/if you don't-know-what-to-do-with-it-shove-it-in-there-room. I recently repainted this hutch and remembered my green star. Yes! It just happens to match the paint on the walls of our dining room. It's a happy thing in a happy corner of one of my favorite rooms in our house.

It's also symbolic of those beautiful gifts or ideas we all have, but don't know quite what to do with them. Don't forget about them. Get them out, dust them off and find a place where they can shine. Write it in your journal. Tell your friend about it. See what happens. Let it come back to life and inspire you and others. There are probably more things just like it in your "life storage room" waiting to be rediscovered.

flickr in green

2009-03-03T12:30:00.001-06:00

Enjoy all the green that you can handle here

Green, Day 2

2009-03-03T06:19:00.003-06:00

I was dropping my kids off at school yesterday and had a passing conversation with a friend that changed my day. She asked if I was doing anything fun that day. I heard myself quickly answer, "no." Her non-verbal response was so subtle but surprising that I walked away asking myself, "Why can't I do something fun today?" Really.

I sometimes discover myself believing that fun is only for special occasions, and still not guaranteed. Even then, it's really supposed to be fun for the kids, not for me. My fun is supposed to be watching them have fun. That fine. But there's more.

I'm finally getting to the place where I can ask myself "What do I want?" and have a meaningful answer. There's a spiritual component to this, too. As a person seeking to know God better and be an authentic follower of Jesus, being honest with my wants, my desires feels vulnerable. Is it okay to want? Yes. It's honest and safe to take those desires to the One who knitted our very being, our souls and minds and bodies together. He knows the best ways to satisfy our souls. Trying to find the answer on our own is the equivalent of looking for fun on my backyard swing-set when God wants to take us to Disney World. It's safe to want. It's safe to take those desires to God. When they are met, I also meet God, the one who "restores my soul."

Yesterday I had fun. Doing the things I love (after I did some of the "have-to's") that God designed me to do. I wrote. I took pictures. I sewed. I set the timer so I could stop in time to pick up the kids. It was a good day. Thank you, Holly, for asking an important and needed question. I appreciate it!

Green!

2009-03-02T05:59:00.002-06:00

In the spirit of Yellow Week, this is Green Week hosted by Emily at Shining Egg.

These leaves are poetry to me. I love spending months with them in my kitchen. Enjoy this week and a new month.

Blahs into Beauty

2009-02-26T13:54:00.005-06:00

Late winter contentment is hard for many to find. I sometimes find myself in this category. Slightly warm days awaken my longing for spring. Spring fever in February in Indiana? Bad idea!! Walking past my dormant flower beds as I go in and out of the house make me wish for color and variety and life. When the cold and rain and grey clouds return with delayed hopes for spring's return my shoulders drop. My disappointment and impatience rise and I join in the whiny grown-up chorus, "How much lonnnnger??"

Lately, though, I've been pushing back against my impatience for spring and warmth and light. Mostly because I don't have a choice! Winter is not yet over. Getting frustrated about winter weather in winter is a waste of energy. We are not good at savoring times of rest as a culture. Our collective groan at this last stretch of winter is proof.

I'm trying to breathe slowly. Lower my weather expectations. Savor this season of soups and sweaters as it stretches out a few more weeks. I'm trying to admire the shades of brown and silhouetted trees. There is a beauty in it. So, join me in resting, waiting, looking for the beauty--austere, though it may be.

Here's what I found today in my yard:
I played with this one a little on iPhoto, but I love the subtle red buds.

This is my fence line in the back yard. I see this everyday from my kitchen window. I love how these seed pods look all together.
This is my favorite.

Wishing you joy and contentment today.

Yellow, 5

2009-02-20T06:11:00.003-06:00

As promised, I'm posting the photo my oldest daughter took this week. Today is her 7th birthday. Happy birthday, my beautiful girl! You surprise and surpass me in so many ways. I love being your mom and hope I can do a good job loving you and raising you into the person God wants you to become.

Yellow, 4

2009-02-19T09:13:00.003-06:00

Beauty is everywhere. Even on cold, blustery days. Soak in some beauty today. Happy Thursday.

Yellow:3

2009-02-18T10:04:00.006-06:00

Some of the ingredients for a dish we've lovingly named "Indian Delight." It's a modified Rachel Ray recipe from her 365-Days cookbook. It's been a good parenting lesson in not giving up on an unpopular meal. My oldest daughter used to hate this dish. Now she gets really excited about it. Taking this picture inspired her to try to take a few as well. I told her I'd post hers on Friday for her birthday.

Yellow:2

2009-02-17T08:12:00.003-06:00

Love this coat and the little guy who wears it.

Yellow Week

2009-02-16T13:15:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite blogs is hosting a week of yellow. The idea is to look for yellow in your world and capture it--at the same time capturing a little bit of joy, optimism, energy to propel you through the week and a little closer to spring.

Most of the yellow in my house is kid-related and/or plastic. Cheerful, none-the-less! Here's today's offering.

Friday Gratitude

2009-02-06T15:22:00.006-06:00

This has been an intermittently good and....um...challenging day. Just normal life stuff. About ten minutes before I had to wake up my sleeping toddler and pick up the kids from school I got inspired to take my camera outside in this warming up sunny afternoon to capture the melting beauty. This happens often--last minute inspiration.

So, in an effort to fight my looming crabby mood-here's my Friday Gratitude List and some pictures from the afternoon.

warm sunny days and the sound of melting snow
the muted songs of brave birds
my kids' smiles
my husband's strength and patience
coffee with new friends and old friends
the hope of spring
coffee
knitting--even one row
dinner with friends
green plants in my house in the dead of winter
how much more there is to see and do and learn
each one of you

February Lady Love

2009-02-03T17:01:00.002-06:00

This is my first sweater and it's been sitting in my closet for a while. I stopped to make some winter hats and because I was overwhelmed by it. I kind of bit off a lot for my first project. I LOVE the yarn . It's coffee (of course). The pattern was free on Flintknits.com

It's not going to be perfect, but I'm back at it, in a rhythm and addicted. What are you working on right now?

Snow Days

2009-01-29T20:53:00.003-06:00

Snow days. Kids in pjs. Sledding. Cocoa. Wet mittens and cold toes. Snuggling on the couch. Reflecting on all I'm thankful for as the day winds down.
A Warm home.
A present husband.
Kids that play well together most of the time.
How snow gives me a fresh perspective and the landscape a new dress.
Neighbors with snow blowers.
The wonder that still flutters inside as I peak out the window when I awake to fat snowflakes and deep piles of white.
Flying down a hill on a sled with my kids.
Candlelight, soft music and flannel sheets.

Before and After

2009-01-26T13:08:00.004-06:00

It's been a while. I'm realizing I have these windows of time where I don't feel that I have a lot to say on my blog. Many blogs I follow manage to give a photo and a sentence or two here or there. I think I'm going to pursue a happy medium. Authenticity with frequency. Not waiting for the perfect picture or deep ideas. Just more of real life through my eyes.

This is a project I'm really proud of. We were given a hutch and a writing desk from my parents that they no longer had room to display. It didn't quite match our home.
Before:

I was going to paint it cream and white, but my mom suggested black. (Thanks Mom!) I changed the hardware to brushed silver and found a curtain panel on mega sale at a store that was closing. I cut pieces of fabric to fit the spaces, used a spray-adhesive by 3M and used an old credit card to smooth the fabric out from the center. The edges are a bit frayed, but they are hard to see and the overall effect is just as wonderful as I'd hoped.
After:
I'm loving my surprise birthday gift from my husband and my parents. A Cannon EOS Rebel Digital Camera. Adam found the body of the camera on Craigs List and was given the lenses (yes, 2!). Adam got to shop for the bag--which he LOVES. He's all about the right storage container for the job. It brings him joy. Here are a couple of pictures from my first days with my new gift.

The two pictures of me were taken by Adam. The last one is looking out the window of a condo we stayed in at the end of December for a week. Our porch opened up to a golf course. The morning light on the frosty grass took my breath away every day.

Advent Part 3: Peace

2008-12-16T11:57:00.003-06:00

This is the week I usually lose it. I lose the wonder and the calm. The measured pace as we progress toward Christmas Day. I start realizing how much is still undone. I start staying up later and later. Working harder and harder.

About this time last year, on a crazy evening when all three kids were going 3 different directions and leaving a trail of chaos and noise behind, my doorbell rang. Our neighbors were at the door with yummy cookies, warm wishes for the season and a gift. I unwrapped a dove-shaped Christmas ornament made at an art program for kids with special needs and inner-city kids. It had the word "peace" stamped on it in wobbly letters. peace. now. in this chaotic moment.

"Don't forget," my heart whispered, as I hung it on our tree in humbled silence. Peace. Delivered to my door by friends. Crafted by a child. Whispered to my heart by the Prince of Peace. A word and a promise so needed today. It's worth saying again (I need to hear it as much as anyone): it's not about the gifts and the cookies and the cards and the decorations. It's much bigger and far more profound than that. What's most needed by all humanity is within reach. peace. now and forever in our hearts and minds. in our homes and relationships. between neighbors and nations. Let it be-- now and always starting with me.

Advent Part 2: God in the Mess

2008-12-09T09:10:00.003-06:00

Back in late October the kids and I took a trip to the zoo. One last trip for the season to enjoy the sparkling sunshine and golden leaves. We had a good time and ended by playing on the playground. I brought my camera, just in case. While watching the kids play, I saw another mom sit her two very young children on a bench with a golden tree above and colorful leaves all around. She snapped several pictures of her smiling, calm, attentive children and they went on to play.

I was inspired to try to follow her lead. Sure the kids were in crazy clothes, but I wanted to be in the moment. The moment could still be magical, right?

You can imagine me trying to prompt, cajole, encourage, demand...here are just a few of my attempts.

We never did get a good picture.

What does this have to do with Advent?

Well. Real life is messy. Even at Christmas. For some reason, I seem to try extra hard to smooth the wrinkles of real life. I want everyone to be happy. Thankful. Every activity to be joyful and filled with wonder. Everyone looking at the camera and smiling in coordinating outfits in my clean house with the laundry done, perfect decorations. The right gifts. Christmas cards mailed with short, meaningful personal notes to each recipient.

Reality crashes in. Everything isn't really ruined. It's just so...normal. My kids are my kids. My house is my house. Not the movie kids or the magazine house. The decorations are the same as last year. And yet, there is something special and set apart about this season.

It's the reality that God's Son entered our world. Our reality. Our mess. He became human and dependent. Fragile. He was born in a very common place. Not terribly clean. His parents were new at this whole thing. God came to us. He wanted to. He stayed. He let us mess up. He still loved us. He lived and laid down his life for messy people like me.

Emanuel. It means "God with us." Perhaps, this year, Christmas is not for trying to cover the mess or wish for perfection. Perhaps it is to wonder at a God who knows the depth of my mess better than anyone and still showed up. Still loved. Still holds out his hand to me and you.

Maybe my idea of a "perfect Christmas" will transform from cleaning up messes to looking around and pondering the idea that God is here with me right now.

Advent Part 1: Light

2008-12-05T13:27:00.003-06:00

Last Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent. Advent has different meanings for different people. For my oldest daughter, it means chocolate. She loves the $0.99 cardboard calendar that has chocolate behind every window.

For me, it's been a lot of things. Few of them have really been full of meaning, honestly. It's been formal. A tradition (which is not a bad thing). An attempt at being purposeful in a season where meaning can get swept away in business and good intentions.

The more I've heard people I respect talking about it--particularly this year--the more it's finally absorbing into my soul. We've observed Advent a little differently each and every year it's been a part of our family's traditions. This year, we're taking a little bit of time at a Sunday meal to light a candle and talk about the story of the first Christmas. I think I was hoping that sharing the story with my kids would make it more meaningful to me--fill my soul. It's brought the story to life. There's nothing like holding a baby on Christmas to make you think about that young mother and another miracle baby so long ago. For me, I'm realizing that sharing the story with our kids is just one part of the Advent experience.

Here's what I'm doing this year. I'm focusing on just one word each week. This week (yes, I know it's Friday already...) I've been focusing on the the word Light. Advent uses light and darkness to capture the essence of the season. We are in the days of dwindling light before Winter Solstice on December 21. The more frequent grey days are very affecting for me--how about you? Each minute of true sunlight and blue sky is so needed and refreshing. We need light. We need it. Sunlight impacts our body's ability to process vitamins. It affects our very being. Our chemistry.

What about our souls? Jesus was called "the light of the world." My soul has been following the seasons. Getting darker and colder and stiff. Wanting to hibernate. I need the light. I need it to warm my soul. Soften the hard places. Light the places that are void. Show me where my soul needs some more attention. Burn away the impurities. I want to relax into the light--like laying on a warm beach letting the sun soak deeply into my skin.

I think Advent is observed over weeks because we (at least I) need time to move from darkness to light. From the hard, deep, cold into warmth. It doesn't happen in one day. In one meal. In one observance. It's a daily process to soak into our souls and bring us back to life. Back from the dark nights of our souls into the light.

Welcome to the light. Jesus. Please bring light to my soul.

When is an apron more than an apron?

2008-12-03T11:40:00.003-06:00

When it's an invitation to create.
When it's a bridge from childhood to womanhood.
When it transports you to another kitchen in another time filled with smells and voices and memories.
When it makes it safe to be messy.
When it is part of awakening your imagination.
When it is the first step in making new memories.
When it makes you feel pretty.
When it makes you feel brave.
When it becomes an heirloom to hand down to a little girl in your life (stains and all).

Put on an apron and get messy with someone you love. Here's a lovely blog with a fun muffin recipe.

If a little one in your life doesn't have an apron, you can order one from my shop and give a very special gift for the holidays.

(This is an apron of my mom's I've worn since I was a little girl learning to bake. I wore it to help in the kitchen this Thanksgiving.)

New Inspiration for You

2008-10-14T10:27:00.002-05:00

There are so many good and interesting blogs out there. I often loose hours of my day reading about the lives and thoughts of others. It's an escape. It's inspiring. Sometimes intimidating.

Here are three new blogs on my Inspiration list that you may want to check out. They are all completely different from one another, but that makes them even better in my book.

Yarnstorm is by a British woman named Jane Brocket. She's written a book called, The Gentle Art of Domesticity. She's a photographer, gardener, reader, knitter, cook, wife and mother. I found her blog through another blog I read from time to time. I was sold when she used the word haberdashery like people used it everyday. First, I couldn't get the word out of my head! And second, her observations, photography and british-ness made me smile. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Mercy Rising is by a woman who lives here in the Indy area. She spoke at our MOPs group a few weeks ago and I was really impressed by her. She is passionate about equipping people to bring justice and mercy to the world in big and small ways by incorporating these values into everyday life. Two quick examples:
1. Goodsearch.com This is a search engine similar to google or yahoo. The first time you go to this site, enter a charity of your choice. I entered International Justice Mission. Every time you search advertisers will donate $0.01 to that charity. It slowly adds up and you can even track how much has been given. The site remembers your charity, so you only have to enter that info once. It's a simple way to give.
2. FreeRice.com Instead of playing solitaire when you need a break, go to this site. Exercise your brain a bit on multiple choice vocabulary words. Each time you answer a question, rice is donated by advertisers to hungry people in the world. It's great for students as well. There are various levels and subjects.

Organized Christmas.com I discovered this site last fall. I used some of the ideas before, during and after the holidays. It's very practical and do-able. There are links to print-outs for lists to keep track of Christmas Cards, Gift budget, To Dos, etc. See if it helps you at all. It actually was my introduction to the Mayfly blog because she had a pattern for a smock that Organized Christmas suggested as a DIY gift. From that blog I discovered others and the rest is history.

Autumn Joy

2008-10-07T11:58:00.003-05:00

No other season is as exciting to me as autumn. The colors, the smells, the temperature, the anticipation of seasons and celebrations to come. Closure on the birth and maturity of spring and summer. Harvest. Apple cider, pumpkin bread. Sweaters and quilts. Raking: I love the rhythmic sound of the rake, the crunch of the leaves under my feet. I love watching the kids play in the leaves. Each tree takes on its own voice and personality as it transforms and sheds its leaves. The shorter days remind me to make the most of every moment. The cool nights invite me to light candles and revel in the soft light under a quilt or in a cozy sweater.

What do you love about autumn? Why?

For Adam's birthday, he and I went away for the weekend to Turkey Run State Park in western Indiana. We stayed at a charming Inn. Ate fantastic burgers and ice cream at Tammy's Twist and Sizzle (pumpkin pie ice cream for me. Yum!!) We hiked and took tons of pictures. We slept in. We read and lounged on the second floor porch.

I finished a great murder mystery (The Virgin of Small Plains) and almost finished a hat.

Two thoughts from the hike: 1. I loved feeling small and noticing the colors and contours of this amazing corner of the planet we live on. I took a few minutes to pause by a small creek and listen to the water. The familiar passage from Psalm 23 came to mind: "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." I felt restored.

2. We came past a huge tree that had been blown over in a wind storm. The effect was stunning. There happened to be a park ranger nearby. He mentioned that this tree had no tap root to anchor it. Even though it appeared to be rooted firmly, it only had surface roots. The only root that holds a tree during the tough storms is the invisible one that goes down deep into the earth. The spiritual parallels are so clear, aren't they? I can appear connected and rooted, and so can you. It's the invisible root that holds you and me firm in the hardest storms. How are you doing on that? It's given me pause lately.

Go, go, go!

2008-09-20T20:54:00.004-05:00

Our little guy is on the go non-stop. He is crazy about cars, trucks, motorcycles, police cars, fire trucks...you get the picture. It was only appropriate to have a "car-theme" birthday. Here's how it went down:

The cake:

"Stoplight" Jello
Bulldozer ride-on. Awesome!
Motorcycle-oh, yeah!
Bike with handy steering for the grown-up. Nice.
He also got 2 great books with lots of pictures in them to keep building that vocabulary. We read them before nap and bedtime EVERY day. I now know the difference between an excavator and a skid steer and a bulldozer. Love it! It was a fun day. We missed our dear family that couldn't share the day, but want you all to know we love you.

Birthday Boy

2008-09-11T19:27:00.005-05:00

A big happy birthday to our handsome son.

It never ceases to amaze me how one can love another so completely and then grow in that love more and more every day, every year for a lifetime. Again I find myself the giver and the recipient of that kind of love.

A car-theme birthday party is coming on Saturday. Today there were kisses, birthday candles, singing and some small gifts before the big fun on Saturday. I'm pretty sure he said more new words today than ever before. I'm looking forward to this year with him.

Fun and Easy Craft

2008-08-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

Check out this link to a fun craft. I'm all about the practical stuff in a fun package. The cards would be a good hostess gift (I never know what to give in those situations...do you?)

Does anyone have a suggestion on a place to buy tags or blank cards/envelopes that are reasonably priced? (as in, not more expensive than the gift itself!)

Have a great day!

Celebrating!

2008-08-24T20:54:00.003-05:00

Today a little boy I've never met from a place I've never been is sleeping in his new bed with his new mom and dad very close by. Every journey is special. Every homecoming profound. To see his little smile, you can look here. Welcome home Joshua. We can't wait to meet you!!

And They're Off...

2008-08-20T10:31:00.006-05:00

I've been sort of coasting since we returned from Florida. Trying to soak in the summer and my kids. It's been both busy and restful. There are more pictures and stories to come, but today, let me share the happy faces of our girls' first day of school. E was so nervous about Kindergarten for a long time. I kept trying to figure out the right thing to say. Nothing worked. Finally I realized I hadn't prayed about it at all. One of the recurring themes of parenting for me is that my kids are God's first. He designed them. He can do for them what I can't. I can't change E's fears or insecurities, but God can. How? Why? I don't know, but I've seen it happen over and over. So I prayed. She changed. She used to refuse to even go into the Kindergarten room. Today she woke up smiling and confident. So excited her little body could hardly contain her pride and anticipation. It makes a mother's heart happy. It also grows my faith a little more.

David and I took our time walking back to the car. The pace of a (nearly) 2 year old rarely gets indulged. Today was the day to go David-speed. We ended up at the Indianapolis Museum of Art. This is truly one of my favorite places. We parked and just walked the beautiful grounds. As a kid I loved the book The Secret Garden. The grounds of the IMA are like that for me...paths and wonders, sculptures and wide open green spaces that let me breathe deep. There was some outdoor construction happening, so my little guy got to see some real tractors in action. This makes him as happy as hydrangeas and flagstone paths make me. It's a good day.

Home from Florida

2008-07-25T14:05:00.006-05:00

We're back home after a lovely and relaxing 10 days in Florida. A HUGE thank you to our friends who let us stay at their wonderful condo. The highlights for me were introducing (and re-introducing) our kids to the warm, wide ocean. Carolyn was fearless. Emily was content to stay on the beach. David was busy going back and forth between the two. Emily did great in the swimming pool. She wore a life vest and it gave her confidence to do the backstroke all over the pool. She also ate her first sushi! We had seared ahi and she was a big fan. The other highlights for me were sunset at the beach and finishing the Digging Deep book. I had an afternoon to myself at a bookstore. I sat in a deep leather armchair, sipping my iced coffee and, for the first time, drew a first draft of my dream garden in the back of my journal.

As kids, we're told to not tell our wishes or they won't come true. I think the opposite is true. Taking my dreams from vague ideas to something tangible brought them one step closer to reality. Speaking one dream makes me realize there are many more waiting to be spoken. And pursued into reality.

In-Joy

2008-07-08T07:55:00.002-05:00

In the last few months, I've finally found this part of myself that had been asleep or silenced for a long, long time. Letting myself create is bringing me to life in new ways. For me, the only thing better than this experience would be to bring creativity in it's many forms into community with you and those you know.

So, with the help of friends and the permission of emily, erin and tracy, I'm announcing the beginning of In-joy: A collaborative creative project open to anyone. This is in the spirit of Wordplay, a creative experience I've enjoyed watching several artist-bloggers create. The idea is that a word is given with 6 weeks to process and create something that uses that word in some way. The parameters of what you create and how you create it are wide open. A poem. A song. A photograph. A collage. A painting. A quilt. Anything. Really.

My hope is you will let yourself be free to create and not just enjoy what comes out at the end, but that you will learn something about yourself in the process. I'm really as interested in the process for you as in the outcome.

You are invited to post pictures of your creation on a picasaweb page. I wanted posting to be as easy as possible. Just email me at christin dot nevins at gmail dot com to get the id and password. To view postings, go to this link.

The word for this first In-Joy is light.

Postings are due on or before August 19, 2008. You can post as many creations as you'd like.

I'll give a new word on August 20.

Can't wait!

Recent Projects

2008-07-07T09:01:00.006-05:00

I've been having a lot of fun working on different projects, lately. I've also been trying to take more pictures when I notice beautiful things. Here are some of the results.

This hydrangea came from my great-grandparents' home in Colorado. They lived in the same house for...at least 40 years, maybe longer. They grew these huge, beautiful hydrangea bushes in the front of their house. I have many childhood memories of walking around and around their yard, looking at beautiful flowers and gardens, gently touching, smelling, watching bees gather pollen. After my great-grandfather passed away last year, my mom brought these cuttings of his bushes here. I didn't know if they would make it. They flowered this summer and Carolyn brought this flower in to me one day. I put it in this little glass in my kitchen window. It is one of many, many reminders that my great-grandparents are still with me in so many ways and so many forms. (Sniffle. Smile.)

I sewed my first skirt using fabric from my "pile of good intentions." Fabric I impulsively bought thinking I would make something, and years later it still is folded in some corner or closet...I used this book, which was very helpful and empowering. Funny story. It's a drawstring skirt, so it needs to be a little roomy at the top to get past the hips...Somehow I WAY over compensated on those measurements and here was the result:

Yeah. A little more roomy than I was planning on...but it makes me (and my husband) laugh almost every time I put it on...More skirts to come!

Finally, I knitted these washcloths as part of a wedding gift using organic cotton with natural dyes. I loved the colors, the feel of the yarn and using tiny bamboo needles. The patterns were from the purl bee. Love their projects and tutorials!

Thanks to all for your support and encouragement in exploring this part of myself. Tomorrow I want to propose a group project of sorts...stay tuned!

The first day together

2008-06-28T10:09:00.008-05:00

The new question from Red Letters Campaign is Do you have any tips / advice / suggestions for your “Gotcha Day” for people preparing to travel to pick up their little one. . .This could include things that made your day special, an easier transition at home, etc. Tell us what worked (and what didn’t) for you.

This has been a great opportunity to reflect on that special day almost a year ago, now! (We met David July 20, 2007.) Looking back, here's what I can offer:

We brought a special bear/blanket from home as a comfort item for him. It had been waiting in his bed for a few months and he's had it with him every day since that first day. It may have smelled like his new home and his new parents.
We took pictures with him and his care givers--letting them say good-bye and writing down names, as this will be special for him to know, one day. The Ayah you see him with in these pictures nuzzled him and whispered something to him. She smiled a big, brave smile as she handed him back. I put my hands together, bowed and said, "thank you" to the woman who mothered my son until I could.
We tried to keep him warm as he went from no air conditioning to an air conditioned hotel and back out again into the heat. Little jackets were helpful.
We didn't change his clothes right away and I kept his shirt from the orphanage in his bed since I thought it might be a familiar smell for him.
We were very quiet--especially that first day. We spoke very softly to him and kept all stimulation to a minimum (no tv, music). We knew all the change would be overwhelming and didn't want to add to that.
We tried to keep his schedule and diet as similar as possible--using local formula and foods. We asked about his schedule, diet and portions when we picked him up. We also asked how they put him to sleep and for some "comforting words" in his first language so we could try to say familiar things to him.
We decided to call him by his given name while in India and slowly transition to his "new" name after we got to the U.S.
We tried to let him sleep in bed with us or to lay near him when he slept or napped so we could be very responsive when he first woke up since he was probably pretty disoriented. We picked him up and had his bear blanket right there.
We didn't worry too much about self-soothing behaviors we saw that first week. He would rock on all fours or rock backward while sitting up and bump his back and head against whatever was behind him.
At least one of us tried to sleep when he slept so we could be fresh when he woke up.
We brought a small container of laundry detergent. We had lots of "blow outs" and spit up as he was adjusting to eating more food. We had our laundry done at the hotels, but still needed to wash some things right away. I threw away a couple of outfits b/c it wasn't worth washing!!

Note: he was 10 months old when we got him and I honestly don't know how much of what we did helped or didn't help.

Here are some pictures of those first hours and days.

Our first time to see him:

Meeting Mommy. He loved my necklace.
Meeting Daddy

His Ayah

Daddy and bear on the ride home

He slept a LOT that first week. I loved every second of it!

Have you heard of this?

2008-06-25T10:14:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I discover something, think it's amazing and want to tell the whole world and find out I'm the last one to discover it. "Hey, everyone, check out sliced bread!! Have you seen this?"

So my most recent discovery, thanks to my sweet husband, is Pandora Radio. Free, simple. No commercials. You start an account, type in your favorite musician or song and it creates a "radio station" of that artist and similar artists. You hear a song you don't like, click "thumbs down" on that artists' picture and the song stops and won't play again. It's a great way to discover some new artists and listen to whatever you are in the mood for. Amazing.

Red Letters Campaign

2008-06-24T07:01:00.004-05:00

This might make me sound old, but I'm still going to say it. The internet age and it's results are truly amazing to me!

I'm part of a forum of families who have adopted chldren from India through Dillion International in 2007. A couple of those women became adoption journalists for an organization called The Red Letters Campaign. Those mothers invited the other mothers to be a part of this and to add their voices to the experience of adopting from India. Wham. I'm part of another circle of people passionate about meaningful care of orphans and widows; about ending poverty; about mobilizing those who are willing to do what we can with the lives and voices and opportunities and resources we've been given.

So, from time to time I'll be blogging about our adoption experience or process. On my first blog entry I mentioned that I am an adoptive mom, but not only an adoptive mom. Do you remember? :) I don't want any one role to completely define me or own me, but I can't deny that our experience and journey is part of who I am. As other families start down this road any and every voice that can aid in the journey is helpful. I know I couldn't get enough of others' insights and thoughts during the times we were processing or waiting. So I hope this helps a little.

Thanks for reading.

Lately

2008-06-22T21:32:00.006-05:00

Last week our phone line/internet started acting up. I was effectively disconnected for about 5 days. I didn't know how much I leaned on my access to email and blogs to feel connected. It was a quiet week and by the end loneliness and frustration were creeping in. My neighbor kindly brought over some parenting magazines Thursday as we were trying to escape the house into the yard to play. I started crying. Lovely. The kind of crying where I can't pull it together but don't have an actual reason to cry...See if she brings over anymore magazines. Seriously, it was a seemingly small thing that meant so much in that moment. Our lives are filled with those, aren't they? We can give and receive in ways that mean so much. The key is letting those people know how much they mean. Has someone made you laugh or given you a hug or carried some of the weight in your heart or mind lately? Take a minute to call or email or send a card to let them know.

Here are a few pictures from last week to catch up on the fun.

We made bread. It was perfect. Waking up to the house still smelling like freshly baked bread the next morning was a bonus.

More pictures of the library.

It's a beautiful combination of old and new. I love how the skyline of the surrounding buildings is reflected in this one. I love the view from the front steps. I love living just a few minutes from this place and other beautiful places downtown.

I just started ¨Digging Deep: Unearthing Your Creative Roots Through Gardening¨ by Fran Sorin. It's something that I hope will take me another step in my journey.

Sweet Summer Days

2008-06-10T12:59:00.009-05:00

So my big idea for this summer was to take it easy, keep it simple. Minimal driving, minimal spending. I know I need a routine of some kind, so Mondays are "Library and Laundry Day."

The Central Library downtown recently finished remodeling and it is HUGE and stunning. The library is minutes away from our house. We eventually packed a picnic, gathered the troops and a big blanket and headed out. I'll try to take more pictures of the library next time. I was trying to keep David in arm's reach this time. He is an escape artist!

Here are some pics from the picnic and lovely time afterward rolling, running and climbing.

Pack a picnic and join us anytime!

Joy and Spending

2008-06-04T10:16:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was a good day--a rainy-stay-inside-day. The girls did word-searches, mazes, lots of playing pretend and art. Carolyn wanted to learn to knit.

She's doing pretty well. She's a pretty patient learner, so that helps.

I also walked around outside during a dry moment when D was sleeping and came upon a broken chair in the alley left for trash. It had some beautiful parts that I want to try to keep and turn into something...we'll see.
To quickly wrap up last month's journey--here's the summary. I first wanted to be careful that the "it's not enough" thought was not some latent religious guilt that can somehow seep into the lives of imperfect people trying to live a life pleasing to a perfect God. I truly don't think that was it. I think that God was trying to call me to more.

Imagine journeying to a stunning range of mountains, standing at the foothills, looking up, saying, "that's nice," and going home. I feel like my life and my role in expressing God's love for all people everywhere--especially the vulnerable and suffering--can either remain an insulated, arm's length experience or I can start to shed all the things that hold me back and start to climb that mountain. To really touch and experience a life in connection with the hurting and provide some kind of meaningful response is what I believe "it's not enough" was saying to me. I shouldn't just stand there, even shed tears or make a small gesture of response where there's so much more I can do.

Isaiah 58 is a sweeping and deeply challenging passage for me. The one phrase that echos in my heart is "...if you will spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry..." Spend myself.

It just happened that at the height of this internal processing, Adam and I had a big discussion on what more we can do to aggressively get out of debt. He was so excited for how much more we could give to the many needs close by and around the world. I gulped hard. I wanted at least some of that extra money for home improvements and to give a little bit of breathing room in our budget...Sure, I want to give, love to give, but I felt that all my sacrificing entitled me to some long-awaited improvements and repairs.

I've also sort of had this reawakening of desire to create--sewing, knitting, photography. This creates another internal battle. Do I spend money and time on these things when there are other pressing needs? How can I justify these things? I live in a culture that says I'm entitled to do what makes me feel good (and those things do make me feel good). Is there more here?

Without a reasonable justification, I tend toward an all or nothing approach to hobbies/art. As in, if it doesn't make money compared to what I'm spending on it or if I'm mediocre at it, then it's not a justifiable use of time/money. Honestly I don't think I buy my own argument in my heart or I wouldn't keep returning to these things, but I return with hesitation and a measure of guilt. That's no fun. :)

This is where I'd love to hear from you. I think there's a meaningful dialogue that can take place if you'd be brave enough to weigh in. Thank you, in advance for your thoughts.

"It's not enough"

2008-06-02T21:42:00.002-05:00

Do you remember on Field of Dreams when the voice whispers, "If you build it he will come."? Do you remember the frustrating and agitating experience of the characters as they try to figure out what that means and if they will follow the voice and take some risks or ignore it?

About a month ago I was continuing to ask God the question, "What's next?" and my anticipation was continuing to build...toward what...I didn't know.

The tragedies in Burma/Mayanmar and China really deeply impacted my heart. The injustice and pain of vulnerable people and the deep helplessness I was feeling to respond to their need weighed heavily on me. I remember crying as I was making dinner one night listening to NPR do a story on a mother and father of a nearly 2 year old boy who took the first 2 days after the earthquake to find some kind of equipment to excavate a building. The building was an apartment where the mother had left her son in the arms of his grandparents so she could go to work. 10 minutes later the earth was shaking and the building collapsed on them all. Two days of desperation, determination, holding out impossible hope, fighting the what-ifs that will never stop, literally pushing this huge piece of equipment through the chaotic streets of the city. The mother did what I would do: she climbed up on the building as the machine was working on the walls--trying to get as close as she could to those she loved. They died together trying to get out. All were touching--the grandfather holding the baby, the grandmother's arm on her husband's shoulder. That moment in my safe house with my children alive and playing, my food cooking, my husband on his way home. My life and faith and hope intact. Another woman half way around the world weeping over a loss I can't comprehend. Our tears were mixing as I tried to carry a small fraction of her pain.

The voice: "It's not enough..."
Me: "What?? What does that mean? What's not enough?"

And so it began. I was edgy and unsettled and very quiet and introspective. I was probably not a lot of fun to be around--thankfully my family is gracious.

I try to blog when I have a thought or an experience or picture to share. All month I've had nothing. No pictures. No words.

Clarity is slowly coming. The challenge now is to try to put it into words in some way. I'm still wrestling with that, so I'll try to share with you all in small pieces.

More tomorrow.

Finished!!

2008-06-01T21:00:00.006-05:00

Here are the long-awaited curtains! I'm happy with how they turned out and proud of my husband for putting up all the curtain rods within hours of my finishing the last curtain this afternoon. He knows I love being able to see the results as quickly as possible. When I finished the first curtain I took down our bedroom curtains and put the new one up and left it there all night so I could see it over a window...

If you know me well you know that I am not a patient person when it comes to these things. You may also know that I struggle to finish things. I'm great at starting things full of inspiration and good intentions. Many of my good intentions are piled in corners and closets gathering dust. So this fabric purchased so long ago and joked about from time to time is now on the windows. I'm thankful and looking forward to some new projects this summer. I'll keep you posted.

You may have noticed it's been about a month since my last post...Where have I been for the last month? I'll tell you tomorrow...

Love

2008-04-30T10:01:00.004-05:00

Happy Wednesday to you!

If you're interested...

2008-04-27T20:53:00.000-05:00

I had an opportunity to give 4 talks at Common Ground's women's retreat earlier this month. We recorded them and they are now available on CG's website. Here's the link, (it's tricky to navigate to on your own). The second talk has some weird static for the first portion, but you can still hear. The static doesn't last the whole time. I listened and man, is it strange to listen to my own voice. Do I really sound like that??

The whole weekend was really special and a dream come true in many ways. A few years ago I was a struggling young mom at a women's retreat with a new baby and sleep deprivation as well as relational and spiritual dryness. I heard other women share their stories and insights and was so moved by them. "I go to church with this person almost every week and I had no idea all of this was right there under the surface!" I thought. I found myself praying that someday God would give me something of worth to share with other women and an opportunity to share that thing from Him. It was a strange prayer to pray. I was being honest with God, but was embarrassed to ask. Are you supposed to pray for that kind of thing? Is it prideful? Selfish?

I've heard a couple of women share lately that they feel like there's more to them than the one or two facets of life/roles they function in most often. They have this sense of expectation that God has more for them to do and they are waiting for it to unfold. It's like being pregnant with a dream, except you have no idea how long it will take for this dream to fully take form and take on it's own life. In the last couple of days, I've felt prompted to ask God the dangerous question of "what next?" for my life. I hesitate to ask, because I'm content where I'm at with the roles and commitments, etc. on my plate. I'd rather just try to be a nice person and do good things when I can. It's vague and feel-good. It's hard to fail at trying. But how can I not ask? The words of Psalm 25 come to mind at this place in the journey. If you have a minute, take a look.

Wonder

2008-04-24T20:57:00.000-05:00

I picked up Roots, Shoots, Buckets & Boots: Gardening Together with Children by Sharon Lovejoy at the library. It's great and full of good ideas--even if you don't have kids to garden with. The major purpose of gardening with children is to cultivate wonder. Do we need kids to cultivate wonder? It certainly helps, but wonder is available at any age.

Lovejoy offers this quote by Rachel Carson: "If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life... If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."

I think the miracle is not a child with wonder, but an adult who can share that wonder with the child. I sometimes feel so old and the world seems framed in to do lists and tasks. What is wonder-inspiring to children is often an annoyance or inconvenience to me. Dandelions. Endless joy and wonder. From the carpets of bright yellow that become a constant source of love-bouquets to mama to the puffy seed heads that draw out wishes with closed eyes and a blow. It's not often that I have to think about my wish in the moment. Seeing those little yellow flowers not as a home owner failure needing intervention, but as a source of joy is wonder. The girls were "helping" me water plants and it turned into a water fight. Both girls were soaked and squealing with delight. Water is a non-stop source of wonder. They can't wait to get into their swim suits. I may never re-capture wonder in that area...I'm just sayn'.

I need to be more open to wonder so I can then help the kids put a label to how they live every day. Then I can turn into the grown up that gives the children an Indestructible Sense of Wonder. So we've been planting seeds outside and noticing things and talking about them and holding hands and dancing.

This is a tough one. I'm up and down on this. Monday was a hard day where I pretty much didn't want to do anything near kid-related. Today was a good day for a lot of reasons. One of the reasons was that I played duck-duck-goose with Emily and about 6 toys. At one point, the toys were winning. At every point I was having fun.

Growing and trying

2008-04-20T20:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry to be away so long. Two weeks ago was the big ramp up to our Common Ground women's retreat. I was on the planning team and gave four talks over the weekend on Journey, Identity, Passion and Purpose. That week involved a lot of writing--much more than normal. The weekend went great. There were about 65-70 amazing women there who worked at connecting to God and to each other. They were gracious with me as a non-professional public speaker and God was gracious to speak through me. I have to admit that I had a blast. It was a dream come true to be able to share the beautiful truths that God's word offers women; find meaning in some of my experiences and see that all intertwine into something that really spoke to many.

I was exhausted when I got home and it took a week of sort of exhaling and wandering around the house doing very little to get back to something like normal.

Saturday was a big day as the scissors came out and I started on the curtains!! I turned on a recording of Ellen DeGeneres while cutting to help me relax, smile and ignore all the voices in my head telling me how I can't cut straight and am not good at figuring this stuff out...
My brave and kind husband took all three kids all morning starting at soccer in the cold and rain. They came home early and I made 4 different versions of hot chocolate for all four of them. Wow. Can you say "high maintenance?" Can you say "love?" Yeah.

So it's looking pretty good. I got lining on sale for 50% off and 6 curtain rods on sale for 40% off. That helps. Everything is cut and ironed and I'm ready to sew the 48 tabs for the backs. On about tab number 30 last night I started getting a little board and found myself wondering if there's any spiritual lesson in this whole adventure. I think we all have something costly and special to us that we're afraid to bring out of hiding and risk trying to make that into something special. A hope, an aspiration or dream that seems to far-fetched or risky or selfish. I know I'm not alone in my fear of failure or loss. It's taken me 5 years to hear that voice saying, "don't be afraid, just try. What do you have to lose?" Really this fabric wasn't doing anyone any good in the closet. Even if I mess up and end up with no curtains, I will have at least tried and gained experience from that rather than hiding from the possibility of difficulty or failure. Isn't that the real point? The finished product is a reminder of the journey, not the singular goal. So I'm trying and going slow and being careful and trusting myself and having fun. I also figure its okay to pray and ask God to help me do a good job making curtains. He gave artisans in the Old Testament skill to create the things he asked them to make, so hopefully he'll give me some grace and skill, too.

I'm realizing that 2 of my goals for the year are 1) to get better at sewing--I'd really love to make my family some clothes (lounge pants and summer dresses, hopefully); and 2) to be more proactive about my part in caring for the environment. (More on that in an other blog entry.) There's a lot more I'd like to do this year, but those are two personal goals I have.

Our garden seeds are starting to sprout. This always brings me great joy and wonder. I'm realizing that, though I'm mediocre at gardening, it is a spiritual practice for me and a great source of joy and anticipation. I ordered a book from the library upon the recommendation of Soulemama, called, Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots: Gardening Together With Children, by Sharon Lovejoy. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow along with the next book our book club is reading.

Spinning

2008-04-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

I'm really trying to slow down from time to time and see and enjoy my kids. I'm the mom who's found herself telling her kids to hurry when we don't have anywhere to be and no one's waiting on us...bad. The other day our son fell asleep in the car. He's the youngest of 3 and often gets shuffled from here to there around the schedules of the rest of the family. Naps are good for him and a window of opportunity for me to be productive. I brought him in and sat in the rocker given to us upon the birth of our first child. He stayed asleep and I just rocked with his head on my shoulder for a long time. It was deeply soothing and good beyond the words I can find at this moment.

Tonight was the end of a fairly crazy day. My husband worked late and I took the kids out for some fast food which included me spilling a drink and our son spilling a milk shake and throwing a temper tantrum with food flying everywhere. I fed him when we got home. It was the kind of "feeding" where he took a bite and ran around for a while...upstairs into some other projects back downstairs, another bite...For my personality this is fuel for a crazy mommy. Tonight, somehow I just really wanted to be with him. I gave him a bite of banana and we started spinning on the kitchen floor. I was in my socks and the sun was setting letting warm, golden spring light into the room. Everything was a blur except for his face. His smiling face chewing healthy food with a mom who loves him and knows him and can make him laugh and fill his body with food (when he agrees to eat). I want this for every orphan in India. Every orphan all over the world. A moment of perfect spinning with a mom, a smile and a full tummy.

Spring Break

2008-04-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

We're on spring break this week. Yesterday, I'm happy to say I was in my pj's until 4pm!! Yes. It was great. Today we had our family favorite for both special days and ordinary days: Cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs. It's a race to see who can finish their eggs first to get the first choice of cinnamon rolls.
We are doing great on the car situation. Thank you to so many of you for your interest, concern and offers to help. A family from our school was on vacation this week and offered us their van for the week. And then Sunday morning, a friend who is leaving for 5 months to work with an organization called Loving South Africa (LSA) offered her car to us while she's gone. This means we will be back to 2 cars for a while. See--it really does all come together! God is good.

Spring break at home started with a list at the end of last week of things the girls wanted to do. David's happy just having his big sisters around. We're doing "the letter of the day" complete with pictures and words. Yesterday, Carolyn gave the girls temporary tattoos, there was a lot of dress up and crafts. I made a pseudo-Indian dish for dinner using a Rachel Ray recipe. Carolyn threw a huge fit announcing that type of food is horrible. When asked what kids in India eat, she announced miserably that "they probably didn't like it either." Oh well. She made it through and we had milkshakes for desert. Mmmmm. A good day. I need to work out today! :)

I need some decorating advice. I bought this fabric almost (a-hem) 5 years ago in Maderia, an island off of Portugal when Adam and I went there for our 5 year anniversary. I loved the design and colors and thought it would work well with the colors in our home. I had to decide on the spot how much I needed to make curtains for up to 6 windows. All the windows on the 1st floor are exactly the same dimensions. I'm wanting/willing to sew curtains, but I'm not super confident in my sewing skills and don't want to be disappointed or waste this fabric...so it's just been sitting for a long, long time. Thoughts, patterns, advice?

It's Coming...

2008-03-28T15:11:00.001-05:00

About this time next week I hope and expect to be completely absorbed in a great book I ordered as a little gift to myself. It's called The Creative Home by Amanda Soule of the blog Soulemama. She's the kind of person that inspires me and makes me smile, but also makes me feel like I could be doing more...She has 3 small kids, home schools, is an artist and author. She just finished the manuscript of her second book early this year. I want to point to her and say, "See, there is such a thing as a "supermom!"

I started a blog a month ago and am hoping to finish a knitted washcloth and someday work up the nerve to sew curtains...so...yeah. Maybe not achieving at her level, but I'm mostly okay with that. I always want to be pushed and inspired. I want to be constantly evaluating my choices and priorities and goals. I want to do new things and see with new eyes.

Honestly, it's hard to not look at someone else's life from the outside and compare it to my seemingly ordinary life. I know that's not fair or realistic and I would tell someone the same thing if they at all envied my life...but it's hard to take my own advice. Anyone relate?

More than enough

2008-03-26T16:06:00.000-05:00

Easter night, after a lovely celebration with both Adam's family and mine, I was pondering the truth that with our car situation, we really are going to be okay. We can juggle what needs to be juggled with only one vehicle. On the days I needed help picking my daughter up from school, we now had help (and i really struggle asking for help). Deep breath.

Then I noticed the answering machine blinking. A friend had read the blog entry about the van. Her family was leaving for a week-long vacation the next morning and so she wanted to offer her vehicle for the week. "Sure," I said, smiling. "That would be amazing." Not just daily bread, but a week's worth of gourmet food to linger over and enjoy.

I'm so thankful. My heart is full. God always has what we need. He will work through willing, open-handed people. There is always enough if we would all share. What can I share today? What can you share? My major barrier to sharing is fear of loss or inconvenience. Living an open-handed, unafraid life is really living in my opinion. I feel more connected, more thankful, more aware.

Happy Surprise

2008-03-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

I brought in the mail today and amidst the bills and junk mail was a happy surprise addressed to me! Mysteriously my address was also the return address. Inside was a lovely card and a gift card to a spa as an anonymous early Mother's Day gift. The note encouraged me to find something unsolicited to do for someone else. And I will.

So, thank you VERY much to my anonymous friend. What a generous and thoughtful gift. You may already know that, for me, anticipation of something special is almost as enjoyable as the experience itself. From now until my special spa day, I'll have the joy of knowing it's coming and I will smile.

And then there was one...

2008-03-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

We became a one car family this week. Our mini van died this week and was promptly sold. We knew this day would come, but it's a bit disorienting. The plan we'd worked out to replace the van isn't fully ready to implement and the speed of the van's disappearance has caused a bit of re-orientation. It's on days like this that I SO wish Indy had a more user-friendly mass-transit system. We're still many years away, unfortunately.
In the mean time, this event has given me the chance to meditate on the truths found in Psalm 23. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." God has provided the van, sustained the van (14 years old, 6+ years with our family). "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters." He knows what we need and will get us there. I need to follow and enjoy what is in front of me.
I'm also reminded of some of the phrases in the Lord's Prayer. "Give us this day, our daily bread." Rarely, in our culture do we have to really live this phrase. Living in the moment, trusting God will provide for today and truly not worrying about tomorrow requires a lot of faith and discipline. I have to choose to not worry, not try to fix tomorrow with resources I don't have.
I really believe everything will work out. This way is more of an adventure, but I've learned that adventures usually turn out better than I expect. I usually learn more about myself and God in the process, too.
Stay tuned for more installments of the car adventure!

St. Patrick's Day

2008-03-18T09:43:00.000-05:00

Is THIS enough green? Adam really gets excited about celebrating St. Patrick's Day and he wears his green very well. Most of us don't really know exactly what this holiday is really about. I heard yesterday that most people in the U.S. "celebrate" St. Patty's Day far more than the people of Ireland. If you're interested, you can find a summary of the real St. Patrick's life here. I actually first learned about it from a Veggie Tales DVD. St. Patrick used the shamrock or clover leaf to teach about the Trinity. Here's my daughter's craft from school yesterday.

Amaryllis

2008-03-16T20:23:00.000-05:00

My amaryllis bloomed yesterday. The wonder of new life returning season after season never stops filling me with joy. I always feel like it's Christmas morning when I see that first tender green shoot peeking out of a hopeless looking bulb. This beautiful plant also carries me from the endless grey days of February to hopeful days of late March when the tulips start to peek out of the frozen flowerbeds and I have another round of new life to celebrate.

I also love the story of this particular amaryllis. One of the members of my book club hosted a Christmas dinner party a few years ago. She prepared the most amazing gourmet meal and it was a generous and beautiful party. The host and hostess were Swiss. It was their cultural tradition that the guests all bring a small gift. Then each guest picks a gift and opens it at the party. I picked a shiny green box with a red bow and was delighted to find an "amaryllis kit." I've carefully and joyfully tried to coax it back to life every year.

The things that matter

2008-03-15T13:37:00.001-05:00

I've had a back and forth relationship with the idea of blogging. I kept a blog during our adoption journey to our son. I like being able to share my thoughts with a community, but dread the idea that I'm disappointing people by not posting often enough. I was amazed and humbled by the number of people who followed our adoption blog.

I feel like there's more to me, though than that one journey. I am an adoptive mother, but not only and adoptive mother. I'm a mother of three beautiful children, but not only a mother. This is not to minimize any given role, but to give me a voice to share and process many ideas on many levels.

More and more, I'm realizing that the things that matter are the things that I too easily take for granted or leave unspoken. I don't want to let those moments or thoughts, compliments or stories pass me by. I think that one of the things that matter is being known. You may have heard of the Johari Window. The "known to others, but unknown to self" is where I'm hoping you will come in, dear reader. Comments and emails welcome.

Let me end with words wiser than my own:

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" -Martin Luther King Jr.